1996
Cas woke up crying, silently though. He carefully got out of bed and threw on a shirt. Dean was still sleeping soundly. Tears were running down Cas' face, in big globs. He couldn't stop. Cas tiptoed up stairs and walked out side quietly. He looked up into the star filled sky, it was extremely dark. Cas had a dream, he was alone and nobody wanted him. He was lost, he had a feeling of being stuck and he couldn't get out, it was dark all around him. Snow blurred around his head and the tears trickled down his face. Nobody wanted him, it was all a dream. None of it was real. Cas heard the door open but he didn't care. Cas cried and said.
"Dean, nobody loves me, nobody cares, it all doesn't matter. It's not real."
Dean sighed and took Cas in his arms.
"Cas, don't you dare ever say that. I do, I love you more than anything. I would die for you, Cas, you are my everything. You have saved me. Without you, I'm nothing."
Cas looked up at Dean. Tears were still falling down his face.
"You don't mean that Dean, its not true."
"Cas, I mean every word I say. Don't you get it? I adore you, you aren't just my boyfriend-"
Dean paused and swallowed back tears
"Cas, I need, you. I can't live without you."
His voice was shaking. Cas looked at him and kissed Dean gently.
"I'm sorry, I love you too."
"It's freezing, lets go back inside and talk."
Cas nodded and they walked hand in hand back to the house. They sat at the island and Dean said
"Baby, would you like me to make some tea?"
Cas nodded and looked down.
Dean stood up and started making some.
"Seriously Cas, you can tell me what's wrong."
Cas coughed.
"Dean, its fine. It's over. It was just a dream."
Dean slammed a coffee cup down on the table and it shattered. Cas jumped up and tended to Deans side.
"Oh, Dean! Are you okay? Let me see your hand."
He lifted his hand and sighed.
"Phew, its not bleeding."
Dean mocked a smile and Cas started picking up the shattered pieces. It was all cleaned up and Cas sat back down on his stool.
"You know what, Cas?"
"Hm?"
"You always have blow ups and bad dreams, shit like this but then when I try to care for you, you wave me off like its nothing, but it is something."
He was yelling
"I'm fucking tired of it! Let me care, tell me, I only want to help. Its been getting worse, the dreams, the blow ups. Baby, tell me what's wrong, now."
Cas looked down and tears streamed down his face. Dean looked over at Cas and rushed to his side.
"Oh, Cas, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset. I care too much about you."
He rubbed his back and kissed his forehead.
"No, Dean, I should be the one apologizing. You put me before you, you care for and love me when no one else does. And I've come to realise that, I'm slowly finding, peace in you."
Tears were pooling in Deans eyes. He couldn't help it. How could someone believe in him so much? How could someone think of him like that? No one ever has.
"Angel-"
He was cut off by a kiss from Cas. His lips covered Deans and Dean was engulfed in Cas. His soft touch and his perfect lips. Dean kissed him passionately as he grabbed Cas' hips. He reached for Deans neck and soothed it with his hands. It was just the two of them, nothing else mattered anymore. Dean pulled away crying. He turned the corner of the island and sat with his legs outstretched. Dean put his face in his hands and sobbed. Cas sat up and walked to Deans side. He knelt down and kneeled down over Deans thighs, one knee next to each of Deans hips. He placed his hand on Deans chest and looked into his shallow green eyes.
"Oh baby, don't cry. Look at me."
He lifted Deans chin. His tears soaked his eyes. They sparkled even in sorrow. Deans lip quivered.
"Dean, its fine. I'm fine, I get it. Don't cry."
He looked down.
"No angel. I'm broken, and I always will be. I can't be saved, in past that. I just thought that my nightmare would end and that's why I love you so much."
"Is that what you meant, Dean?"
He nodded.
"Baby, I had no idea. You should have told me. What is it about?"
Dean sighed and a tear rolled down his cheek.
"Before I met you, before that night you helped me with my bike, I was actually meeting up with this guy, my dealer. I had been addicted to drugs, but when I met you, its like those demons just vanished. I feel guilty though, like I have taken advantage of you."
"No, no baby. I had no idea."
He took Deans face in his hands and kissed him. Dean held Cas' arms and gave into his hold.
"Angel, that's what I meant by how you saved me."
Cas kissed him hard. There was nothing stopping him from giving Dean all he had. He needed to show this man that he cares more than anyone. Dean slid his hand up Cas' shirt and soothed his sides. There was no space between them, both bodies touched gracefully. Cas grabbed the back of Deans hair. His lips were so soft, who knew someone so damaged and hurt could touch like a cloud and kiss like an angel? Dean felt Cas fall asleep on top of him, he fell still and his breathing slowed to an even pace. Dean picked him up and carried him downstairs. On the way, he saw papers and envelopes on the table. They were bills. He sighed and continued to the basement. Dean placed him on his side of the bed and curled his body up around Cas. He needed to be close to him when they slept. An hour had passed since Cas woke up, it was 3:43. Dean needed sleep. There was a lot on his mind and a lot of stress on both of them. Dean closed his eyes and instantly fell asleep.
• • •
The sun shone on his eyes, it was bright, really bright. Dean was curled up on Cas. He didn't remember getting into bed last night. He must have fallen asleep and Dean carried him down. Dean groaned and one of his eyes opened. He looked up at Cas
"Good morning angel."
A smile appeared
"Hey baby. Did you sleep okay?"
Dean nodded.
"What do you want to do today?"
"You."
Dean laughed and kissed Cas.
"I love you."
"I love you too baby. Hey, I'm sorry about last night."
Dean put up his hand
"Don't apologize, I get it. You're stressed, I'm stressed and we got some stuff off our chests. I feel a lot better now."
"Oh Dean Winchester, you're too good to me."
Dean kissed him
"I can't help it. You're my angel, I'd do anything for you."
Cas blushed and whispered
"Me too..."
Dean sat up and stretched.
"I guess its time to go look at apartments than, huh?"
Cas moaned
"Do we have to?"
"Yes Cas, you've made your decision."
"I guess."
Dean laughed and stood up. He threw on a pair of jeans and his favorite blue flannel and Converses.
"I'll pick out an outfit for you baby, go get something to eat."
Cas smiled
"Thanks!"
Dean nodded and walked back to the dresser. He picked out a blue sweater, faded jeans and black Vans for Cas. He decided they would be color matching, and beside, it was Cas' favorite sweater. Cas came back downstairs with four slices of toast.
"You want two babe?"
"Yeah, sure, thanks."
"Don't mention it! Hey, you picked out my favorite sweater!! We'll be color matching!"
Dean laughed
"Yeah! I thought that'd be cute and I knew you loved the sweater."
Cas pulled on his jeans and shirt, then his shoes.
"Let's go."
They went upstairs and cranked up the car.
"Where are the apartments?"
Cas replied in a mocking voice
"The Fairgrounds"
Dean chuckled.
"Fancy..."
Cas exhaled
"I gotta admit, I'm kinda scared."
"Me too."
They drove listening to 107.9 the rock station and pulled up to the complex.
"Well, they look pretty nice. That's an up, right?"
Cas nodded
"They have a pretty high ranking."
They climbed out and walked up to the main building. A man was standing behind a counter. He smiled a large, white, toothy smile and waved
"Hello, welcome to the Fairgrounds apartment complexes, how can I help you?"
Dean cleared his throat.
"We would like to look into renting."
The man brought his hands together and gasped.
"Oh, that's great!! Follow me!"
He led them to an office room with a desk and a computer then opened a filing cabnet pulling out a big stack if papers.
"Okay, we have a program for people who are renting that have less than four people renting. It's cheaper and we offer more things."
Dean looked at Cas and they nodded. He continued
"Regular prices would be $1800 a month, but with the program, its $1300. Here's the packet to take home and look at. Here's my business card, please call me if you have any questions."
Dean and Cas stood up and shook his hand.
"I'm James and thank you for coming down and checking things out, have a nice day."
"Yeah, thanks for the info, we'll definitely call you back."
They turned around and left. In the car, Dean took Cas' hand and squeezed
"Babe! This is great! It's cheap and its really nice, its almost too good to be true!"
Cas smiled
"Yeah! Things are finally looking up for us!"
They drove home talking about the apartments and how great it was. They got home and called the owners of the house that they were currently living in. Their lease ended in a week and they were signing off it. They were both so happy. Things were going great for the both of them.
