Imagining Steve

Breakup

You were trying to sketch. It was cold in your apartment, and even though you were wrapped in several blankets you were freezing. You shivered and couldn't keep your hand steady enough to make a decent line on the paper. You huffed, how many times had you asked your boyfriend to fix your radiator? Four?

Normally the thought of him made your heart race and your lips smile, but right now, all you could do was frown. Lately it had seemed like he was never around. You saw him maybe once every two weeks, he was constantly busy. It felt like he was avoiding you. The last time you'd seen him he'd been dazed and distracted, more focused on work than on you.

You debated internally, desperate to call him and demand an explanation to his behavior. On the other hand he was probably on a mission and wouldn't be able to talk to you anyways.

There were many ups and downs to dating Steve Rogers. In your 2 year history you'd learned to accept the downs. You really loved him and whenever there were issues he always made a serious effort to fix the problem. The ups had made it all worth it, and your relationship had been a happy one, until the past few months.

Lately Steve had just thrown himself into his work. You'd never shared an apartment, he had been shocked that people lived together before marriage now, and you'd simply given him his space. So when he became more focused on work, at first it didn't affect you on a day to day basis. But when he started cancelling plans and when lengths of time between seeing him grew longer it had started to bother you.

You didn't know what to do. Your friends called you crazy for sticking with him. They told you to move on if he didn't want to make things better. At this point, you were tired of fighting for this relationship. What was the point? Had he finally gotten sick of you? That was the problem with Steve. He was the perfect gentleman, if he didn't want to be with you he'd have a real hard time trying to break it to you.

You suddenly grew angry. You didn't want to feel this way about him. You didn't want to be so in love with him that you could think he was a gentleman and not want to blame him for the problems in your relationship. This was his fault. You had tried so so hard to make this all work, and if he wanted to focus more on his stupid job than you, fine. Right now, you were done.

You threw off the blankets and stormed out of your kitchen. You stormed through your apartment until you reached your room, and more importantly, your phone. You tried to snatch it up off of the bed, but you were angry and it took you a moment to grab the phone and select his contact. You didn't care if he was in the middle of a mission. You needed to tell him how you felt. Maybe his voice would calm you down, maybe you would realize you were being silly.

No. No you weren't being silly. You needed to talk to him. Now.

You called his contact "Capsicle".

You held the phone to your ear, promising yourself that if he didn't pick up you'd finally follow your friends advice and just end it over voicemail.

Ring..... You waited.

Ring..... And waited.

Ring..... You waited angrily.

Ring..... You grew nervous.

"Am I supposed to talk now or-" it was his voicemail and you remembered that conversation.

"Just go!" You heard your own voice telling him to go on with his recording.

"You've reached the ... voicemail of Steve Rogers?" He continued with a questioning tone and you found yourself involuntarily smiling at his goofiness. You frowned, you were supposed to be mad at him right now, not grinning because he was so infuriatingly cute when he couldn't figure technology out.

You heard your own sigh, and the phone beeped signaling the end of the recording. It took you a few seconds, and you suddenly didn't want to do this, even though you knew you needed too.

"Hey... It's me. I haven't seen you in what... 2 weeks? I honestly can't decide if I miss you, or if I'm just really mad at you. I don't know what's going on with you Rogers. Things were going fine... I mean... Weren't they? And then you just threw yourself into work.

"I don't expect to come first in your book. I don't even expect second place. I mean, I know being a superhero is your first priority. You've got this amazing gift, and you have to use it. You were born a leader, and I can't imagine you ever backing down from that responsibility. But... Steve... I'd like to be third or fourth.

"I know it can be hard to juggle all this stuff. But we've been together for 2 years. I thought we had it figured out. I can't pretend to know what your dealing with in the superhero world right now... And that's why I've got to do this. I love you Steve. That's why I need to let you go, give you some space to figure your end of the line out.

"I need to take care of myself... I can't keep tearing myself up here on the sidelines waiting for you to come home, when you don't even come home anymore! Right now... I just... I think we need to take a break, or, or something. I don't even know anymore okay? I don't. I just... I guess this is goodbye?"

It took me a moment. I didn't want to say the word for real. I didn't want to say anything else. So I just hung up. I put the phone down, and finally let the tears come.

[A/N] Feels. So many feels.

So that was kinda sad... And it hurt me to write it. Just picturing Steve listening to this and how much it would hurt him is kinda killing me. Soooooooo I'm going to release part 2 soon. I was just going to write a really sad one shot, kinda like a reminder that not every story ends happily, but I wrote this and couldn't imagine not giving it a happier ending, and actually putting Steve in there.

Happy Valentine's Day XD

I just realized I wrote a breakup story on VALENTINES DAY.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

SERIOUSLY.

I promise I'll release part 2 ASAP.