Suicide Notes {Phan}

[3]

*EDITED*

Dan's Pov

I wake up, I tend to call it that even though I actually got no sleep. Ok fine my mind woke up. I turn my aching body to the right and look at my phone it blinks to life and shows that its 7:35 AM. For a split second I actually thinks about getting up, but then my mind yells at me.. replaying all the reasons in my head why I might as well be glued to my mattress. I list them out as my deranged mind tells me to do every morning.

1. You're ugly

2. You're fat ( but to everybody else you're to skinny?)

3. Nobody wants you here

4. You might aswell be dead

5. Why haven't you done it yet Dan?

6. Oh you're still waiting? DO IT !

7. FUCKING DO IT!

At this point I want to scream, but my demons inside dont care, they keep on with the list, now basically yelling at me I cover my ears and squint my eyes shut.

---Time lapse---

I usually block them out.

I usually can barley hear them if I try hard enough.

I usually dont care.

But today was diffrent.

No matter what I did they didn't silence even slightly.

If anything they got louder, and its starting to drive me fucking insane.

They say if you tell your self somthing for long enough its bound to come true.

Well I guess that was the case because after telling myself I should die for a little over a hour, I found myself reaching for the box.

"Is this what you want ? " I whisper, to myself I guess the demons are mine right? Right?

I crooked my hand under the mattress and felt around until I hit something, I grab it and bring it closer to me, the voices stronger than ever, urging me to end it. I look in the box and grab a razor, and all of them start to scretch at me. I guess since i've been there done that it was time for a new kind of pain, one that was permanent. One that could end me.

I reach in my bedside table and find a kitchen knife.

The voices are still yelling but they've stopped screaming bloody murder so its better. I hold it up to get a better look at it, the blade glistens, refracting the limited sunlight coming through my window shades

The voices urge me to hold it against my inner arm, I obey.. I know if I dont listen it will just get worse.

The tip of the blade presses against my upper forearm, with a quick breath out I finally follow command and slice it, long way down towards my hand. 

I waste no time starting a little off of my starting point and pressing down harshly as I slide it down once more.

The red starts to gush out of my arm but I still dont stop. The voices are getting a quiter, and its a big relief off my shoulders. As I slow down they start to get loud again and I start to panic, I push down as harshly as I can and move the blade again, they start to quiet down once more.

The more pain I cause myself the quicker its going to end

I start to become frantic, making heavy cuts everywhere. Only surviveing on the fact that the voices are almost absolute. I look for more empty places on my arms, but every where is full.

I move on to my thighs and those are full with wounds pretty quickly to.

I trace the same deep cut over and over, hoping it will end the voices, but my high is almost over and im starting to see blurry, if I want to end this I need to do it now.

I lift the knife and plunge it into my chest, feeling a relief that I will never hear the screaming nightmares ever again.

Now its just one voice.

I DID WHAT YOU WANT FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!

I say with as much force as a sombody can with a knife plunged in there chest.

 Wait that was'nt in my head?

Phil?

I have no time to react as my eye lids close and brains thinking is shut off.

AN/ im so tired but i want to finish editing the whole thing tonight :/

but im happy its going to sound more mature and detailed for you guy.

PLEASE VOTE :D