Suicide Notes {Phan}

[12]

EDITIED

Dans Pov

I groan when in annoyance when I wake up from the all-to-familiar voices shouting at me all the things I've learned to believe.

I grab my head because it physically hurts and squint my eyes, trying to block out the pain.

Phil looks at me questioningly and ask if im ok, I just blame it on a head ache and snuggle back into his shoulder, trying to ignore the pain. But right when I get comfortable..

The plane will land in around 10 minutes, Please gather your things.

I look at Phil. "Will you tell me now?" I still had no idea where we were going, it was getting me super anxious. 

Phil plants a look on his face thats the *im going to put my hand on my chin and look conflicted for 7 seconds* look. He makes a long Hmmmmm sound, like he's trying to make up his mind and then says out "I think you'll just have to wait." He grins, not bothering to even pretend like he dosn't know its torturing me.

And since im already annoyed from the voices being my "alarm clock", I decide to just give up asking and wait. I pull out my phone and check my hair as the plane descends.

The plane has a smooth landing (which im very grateful for) and I get my things together, preparing to get off the plane.

Phil leads me out of the plane and into the airport that for some reason looks familiar?

As we walk away from the gate, Phil and I spot a starbucks and decide to take a load off for a few minutes and get somthing to drink.

It took what seemed like HOURS to get our drinks, the line was looped around 4 times. When we finally get our drinks we take a look around the place theres no place to sit, its all packed out. Phil and I decide to go find a seat in the main part of the airport.

I know iv'e been hear before.

"Phil where the hell are we?!?"

I say tired of waiting, Phil dosn't even look up from his phone and says,

"They said they'll be hear in about 5 minutes."

"Alright." I huff out, im kind of in a bad mood from the flight but the exitment of who's coming is helping lighten my mood a bit. 

So I sit and wait.

and wait.

and wait.

and wait...

20 minutes later 

I look down at my empty starbucks cup disappointed and throw it in the bin beside me. I look up and scan the area around me, seeing if I reconize anybody, after realizing that there all not familiar, and pull out my phone to cheak twitter, not responding to all the tweets asking when im going to make a video again, or why I was in the hospital, or just whats going on in general. I guess I have to say somthing right? Phil already tweeted that I was in the hospital and saying younows might be on hold for a bit but nothing else, I havn't really posted much since and neither has Phil.

I look down and start to write my post.

Hey guys im sorry that you've all been so worried lately, I really should have posted somthing about it sooner. Yes I was in the hospital, but i'll talk about that soon enough.. This is just to let you guys know im still alive and videos will be coming as soon as I heal physically and emotionally. But for now my channel is on hold but I will definitely get back to it sooner or later.

Thanks for all the support, it means more than you could ever imagine. <3  

I read over it editing it multiple times and in the end im pretty satasfied. My finger hesitates to push the "post" button, but I know I have to say somthing so I go ahead and post it and in literally the 5 seconds it took to refreash the page im loaded with a bunch of sweet post with heart emojis wishing me to get well soon, I smile at all the support, especially when #WeLoveYouDan starts trending worldwide in no more than 10 minutes. Its especially funny when I see a post from Phil Lester telling everybody that #WeLoveYouDan made me smile.

Warmness fills my body, thinking that all these people love me so much. I look at Phil and smile again, remembering hes basically Dan Trash #1. 

"I love you so much Phil, im sorry if I dont say it enough." I jump over to him and embrace him in a hug, I can feel his heart beating faster as I look into his striking blue eyes.

He looks down into my eyes, and in the cutest, softest voice, he says "Dan, I love yo-OH LOOK SHES HERE!" (AN- I'm sorry sorry) phils head turns away from me as he starts to stand up.
(SO SO SORRY)

My eyes dart over to where Phil was looking when I see a older woman with very similar facial resemblances to me, she had a smile on her face but then she looked at me and guilt flashed in her eyes when they see..

im not smiling.

"MOM!?

" H-hi Dan..'

Phil looks confused but tries to keep the mood up and says

"Hi Ms.Howell, we've had a really long flight do you think we could head home?"

"Oh of coarse, cmon let's not dilly dally."

I let my mother walk ahead of me with a obvious scowl on my face. Phil nudges me and whispers "Dan's what's up with you?" But I pretend like I don't hear it and keep walking. Phil has no idea what kind of person she is, she looks fine now but I know what she can do, what she will do.

I do not want to stay at this woman's house, but I would probably hurt Phil's feeling, and Phil is all I have.

I hurry to the back of the car and sit in the seat farthest away from her.

"So uh Dan? How have you been?"

I don't answer as she looks in her mirror and sees I'm not even looking at her, she sighs and looks back on the road, until she decides to talk again-
"Dan, I know I wasn't the best mother but atl-

" I'm not talking about this right now."

She sighs once more as Phil coughs awkwardly.

We turn off the main road and drive through winded streets until I see the street I grew up on, we pull in the drive way and I reluctantly unbuckle ,take a deep breath in and open my door.

AN/
I KNOW I KNOW
I stopped editing for a bit but school starting a while ago and I need my sleep.