On My Bed Of Roses.

Part 14: "It seems we're wasting away"

After spending Christmas in New Jersey, The Jersey Syndicate Tour continued towards the end in Mexico during the  the first days of March. And of course, that would be the end of our rocking tour  honeymoon with Jon. We toured  Australia, one of my favorite countries. Jon took me to the zoo and I was fascinated as a child, then we  spent   New Year's eve  in Japan, where Bon Jovi performed with other bands and  we all started the year 1990 touring  South America,including  Brazil, Chile, Argentina, Peru and the last show was in Mexico. The organization there was so chaotic if fans get to see ACCESS ALL AREAS.I have never seen Jon so stressed out. To make matters worst, the tension  between Jon and Richie was still there. After the tour, once the boys said their goodbyes to the  fans . I kept  wondering what the future of the band would be from that moment on. Once we settled down again in  New Jersey in March 1990, we had all the time to get the best of ourselves  in our love nest, the mini mansion, that it was our dream come true. We could have taken an extra   trip with Jon to the Bahamas or Hawaii and make our honey moon the most of it , but Jon really looked so burnt out  and also he had  came up with the  idea of ​​writing a solo album. Jon started to develop phobias I have never been aware of before. He hated to be around people lately and could easily freak his ass on an elevator.I made my best to encourage him to relax and chill, but he ended up doing things his way.This guy never stopped a second to lay on bed and catch some damn  sleep. He had already  a long tour and all he wanted after the tour was to get into his brand new state of the art  home studio recording and writing  new stuff.

 From March to May, Jon was emerged into  songwriting , one of the songs  would be for a movie soundtrack . We went to many red carpets events together and caught by the paparazzi  shooting  pictures of us grabbed by our hands. I felt the happiest, luckiest  woman on the planet  with Jon. I was living my  princess dream with him. I had never felt such happiness in me.

Every Sunday we went to church with Mrs B, Jon's mother. One day while we sang along with all the people the mass songs , I noticed Jon was weird and distracted . His beautiful blue eyes were focused to a corner and kept rolling and rolling away from my face . What the hell was catching his attention that way? No wonder, because he was a very curious guy with so much interest in his neighborhood and community, he was always   around his people ,had a good eye for observation regarding the needed ones. If he noticed needed people in his community , veterans, children ,homeless or jobless he was there, always able to give a hand.He was always standing to  see how he could help our community.However,  I lived in my own world of happy, superficial  princess. A little far away from reality. When the Mass ended and went to the car at the lot , Jon  continued with his eyes wandering.He was not there with us at that moment.He seems to be somewhere else.:

"What 's up,love?" I asked as he remained focused on something mouth opened.
"Nothing," he said soflty with  his shy jersey accent  and gleamed at me  that made me melt . He held me close to him  by my waist, pulled me closer to his chest  and kissed the top of my head.

"Jon, Jon !!! '' yelled Mrs B calling his son .Jon ran to his mother and  I noticed that she whispered something in his ear and Jon nodded and gave her the thumb up to his mom, but not in the cheerful way he used to do it smiling with his pressed lips. He looked quite serious and concerned .

In late March 1990, I received bad news. Jon was very stressed out and bummed  that day, did not talk much  with me while having breakfast,and I  could tell he had been drinking.I started to be worried about his mysterious behavior lately

"Jon, what's wrong? I asked worried
"We parted our ways , with the band .We had a meeting with Doc and we just feel we all need  a fucking break to put our head in place and go back to normal "

I opened my mouth in horror. I could not help thinking that it  would probably be my fault that Bon Jovi was coming to an end .

"It's been a lot of shit around with Richie lately   and we could not even come to an agreement about our next album " said Jon sadly .

His eyes were wet as he spoke and that broke my heart .  The band was the most important thing in his life, and these guys were just  family. It hurt so much to see Jon suffering for that

"What I can do to make you smile, love ?" I asked almost in tears
"Just hold me baby," he whispered.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested his head on my chest, while his arms were wrapped around my waist. I stroked his soft fluffy brown  hair and kissed his head for a long time. I do not know exactly  how long we remained holding each other  like  that, but I did not care.He was my world. I wanted him to be happy.