When I wake up the next morning something has changed. For the last four months I'd woken with a sigh. Today, I wake with a smile.
I leap out of bed and take a shower, carefully cleaning my belly as though that will clean the baby.
"I love you," I tell it, then blush. It feels strange to be talking to my stomach.
I brush out my hair and tie it up with a white ribbon. When I choose my clothes I don't choose loose tops that will hide my bump. Instead, I chose a close fitting top that shows it off. Mum raises an eyebrow when she sees me.
"That's not a good idea," she points out. I just shrug, aware of a glow inside me, partially caused by my baby, partially caused by Darren asking "what if I don't?" when I told him to leave my life if he wanted. Mum hands me my lunch, looking perplexed. In the car I put on my favourite CD and sing along loudly. When I reach school I kiss mum on the cheek and leap out the door.
As I walk through the school mouths drop open. People's eyes follow me where ever I go. I have to try to hide my smile.
"Slut!" someone yells. I ignore it and laugh to myself. I know I don't have to go through this alone.
At recess Darren corners me at my locker.
"What're you doing?" he asks through his teeth, "couldn't you keep it covered up?"
"Why?" I ask, "people were going to find out sooner or later."
"You... You haven't told anyone I'm the father, have you?" he asks, looking around nervously. I feel a jolt in my stomach that has nothing to do with the baby.
"No, but why?"
"Good," he sighs, looking relieved, "you said you wouldn't."
"But... You... I thought..." I frown up at him.
"You still think I'm Prince Charming?" he scoffs, "let go of that day-dream! I'm not a knight in shining armour."
He walks off and leaves me surrounded by a judging crowd. I grab my books and begin searching for April and Fiona. I find them in the library, reading sappy love books.
"Hey," I say quietly. Fiona glances up at me, but April ignores me.
"Talking to us now?" Fiona asks venomously. I sit down opposite them.
"Look-"
"I don't want to hear," April says, looking up at last. Her eyes are smouldering.
"What're you so upset about?" I ask, honestly confused.
"You didn't think to tell us?" April scowls, "that you're up the duff? Who's the father?"
"I... Uh, I don't know," I lie hastily, "it was a one night stand."
"Right," Fiona rolls her eyes. I look at her and see a gleam of pity in her eyes. I latch onto that.
"Look," I sigh, "I was terrified out of my wits! I didn't know what to do! The father refused to-"
"I thought you said you didn't know who that father is?" April interrupts. Damn, caught out.
"I have his number, but nothing else," I invent quickly, "he won't have anything to do with me. I was almost pressured into an abortion-"
Fiona gasps and April makes a noise of disgust.
"But I couldn't do it," I continue, "because I love this baby and I want it. Father or no father."
I raise my voice a little as I see Darren enter the library. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him looking at me, but I don't look over. I just keeping staring at Fiona, who's face is one of complete forgiveness.
"So, you were in shock?" April says slowly, "which is why you didn't talk?"
"I have no idea," I reply honestly, "at first I couldn't speak, no matter how hard I tried, and after awhile I didn't want to. There are no words to express what I felt."
April sighs and closes her book. She stands up and motions for Fiona to do the same.
"Not good enough," she says, leading Fiona out of the building. And just like that my happy glow is gone.
