Love in Darkness (Castles on the Sand 2)

Five

When I get home, my mother meets me at the door and hands me a Happy Meal toy. “Garbage,” she says. “Throw it away outside.”

She’s had a fascination with these toys ever since I was young enough to eat Happy Meals. Back then she’d always take the toy out before giving me the box, and I let her when most kids would kick up a fuss, because I understood that this is how my mother was. Some of the nicer employees at fast food chains would give her additional toys, which she’d assemble, examine, and then sort according to some system I never understood. Even her therapists admitted that was an unusual behavior, and none of us could ever discern what was behind it, what it was about the toys that was significant to her or why she had to have each new toy when it came out, only to pass judgment on it and then throw it away. There’s one, though, that she’s always kept. It’s a little plastic pocketwatch that she has on her at all times and values above anything else. I always knew when she was suicidal, because only then would she try to give it away.

My mother will now serve as a constant reminder of why I have to let the love of my life go. Madison can’t live like this. I go back outside, throw the toy away, go in, and head up to my room, where I change to sweats. Then I go for a good long run along the bluffs, the wind off the ocean whipping my hair and plastering my shirt to my side. I run as if I could leave my feelings behind, if only I could go fast enough. At least I run long enough that by the time I get home, Madison has already come and gone, leaving behind a note that says she wants to talk.

Note in hand, I get down on my knees and pray for the strength to endure this. I need to be able to resist her, or else I’ll drag her into a nightmare worse than all the stupid pranks Kailie Beale ever pulled.

Once I finish my prayer, I hurt so much, I’m trembling. I climb under the covers of my bed and will the rest of the world and this entire situation to disappear.

*

I let myself sleep in the next morning. I’ve got a lot of jet lag to get rid of and a whole lot of reality to flee from. When I finally do get up, I have a pounding headache from the stress of it all, and Hiroko tells me to check the voicemail on the house phone, so I do.

“Alex,” says a male voice, “it’s Josh Rosenblum. I hear you’re back in town. Listen, we could really use some help with Rachel. We used another respite care provider, but it wasn’t a good situation. We’re willing to pay whatever your rates are these days. Give us a call?”

Beep.

“Alex! It’s Greg Beale. Listen, we’ve got a guest coming to the Pelican Bluffs Inn in about a month who’s got a wheelchair bound daughter. I thought of you immediately. I know you just got back in town and I hope I caught you before you get booked up. We’ll pay time and a half what you used to charge. Call me.”

Beep.

“Brother Katsumoto? It’s Phil Liang. Listen, we need someone to take Charlotte next Wednesday, and we’re desperate. I heard you were back from your mission. Is there any chance you can help us out? Let us know.”

Beep.

“Alex, it’s Ellie. I’ll be by later on today after I take care of some things at the office. Welcome home.” That would be Aunt Ellie, or Great Aunt Ellie, technically. My grandfather’s little sister.

Beep.

“Alex, Dave Ruskin here. I don’t know if you heard, but Dmitri was in a car accident a few months ago. He’s paraplegic now, and still struggling with all the changes in his life. To be honest, I’m worried about the kid. Is there any chance you could take him for an afternoon or two, get his mind off himself and his own problems? It’d mean the world to us.” He rattles off his phone number.