Love in Darkness (Castles on the Sand 2)

Nine

“Hey,” Madison says. She’s in a sky blue dress that sets off her eyes and wears pumps, rather than the light canvas sneakers she favors during the week.

“Hi.”

“How’s your mom?”

“Yeah, she’s okay.”

She slides into the seat next to me and is close enough that I can smell her sweet scent, the slight perfume that doesn’t seem to belong to any soap or hair product she uses, but rather to her skin itself. Her expression is pure sorrow, and really, there’s no greater torture than to see her like this. “So, while you’re figuring stuff out do you want to not even talk to each other?”

I rest my forearms on the back of the pew in front of us for a moment, then look over at her. “I want whatever will make you happiest. If you want me to get lost, I can.”

“Wait. This mean you definitely don’t want to get back together?”

I shake my head. “I’d never let you go, and that’s not fair to you.”

“What if that’s what I want?”

Not the kind of thing I ever expected to hear from a girl like Madison and boy does it hurt to turn that down. “You don’t know what you’re saying. Sorry if that sounds mean, but you’ve got no idea how bad this can get.”

Her mouth turns down at the corners and she scuffs one shoe against the carpet.

“Besides,” I add. “You’ve also got no idea how much better you could do.”

As if on cue, the door opens again and in walks Carson Montrose. I’d feared that he’d be in the car with his dad when the Bishop picked me up, but he wasn’t. “Madison, Alex,” he says. His gray eyes look us over. He’s even taller now than he was before, and skinny and lanky. His hair’s brown and straight as a pin, and his smile is picture perfect with even white teeth. “Everything all right? Actually, I don’t mean to pry.” He holds up his hands to show he doesn’t want to give offense, but he also doesn’t back away. He’s never been much for pretense. While he never hit on her while we were going out, he’s made no bones about the fact that he’s had a thing for Madison for as long as he can remember. When John showed up in her life and began teaching her about the Church, Carson took that as a sign that she was destined to be with him, and I know this because he said as much to anyone who would listen. He’s always walked the line between pushy and inappropriate, but I can’t blame the guy, nor can I disagree that he’s everything Madison deserves, including devoted and determined to be good to her.

“Hey, Carson,” I say. “You’re good.”

He looks at Madison, but she squirms under his gaze and excuses herself. He watches after her, then looks at me. “How are things with you guys?”

It’s the conversation he’s been dreaming of for years. “Over,” I say.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s all right,” I say, with far more sincerity than I feel. “She’ll be at college in the fall, you know?”

“Oh yeah? Where?”

He doesn’t know? “UVU or CalPoly. I don’t know if she’s decided yet.”

“UVU, huh?”

“Yeah. Maybe you could tell her something about the area.”

He looks at me a moment longer, as if to make sure I’m giving him permission. I can’t pretend like I don’t care, but I can convey that I’m not going to do anything about it by lowering my gaze.