Will You Break Me? [Harry Styles Love Story]

Surprise!

Amanda's POV

        I didn't know what was with Alex, but I really didn't care right now. I wanted to tell Niall, but I felt I should actually talk. I didn't know how I was going to do it. No, I wont. I'll wait. I'll wait till I can talk again. I ran to my room after I heard the sliding glass door open, then close. I needed to try to talk. I needed to at least try. I looked on the mirror at myself. I opened my mouth and tried to say, "Hello". 

No sound.

        I tried again. I had to talk. It's been a year... maybe a tiny bit longer. I don't know and I don't care. I needed to talk again. I know I've been hurting the ones I love most by just nodding my head or typing/writing things. I wanted to make them happy. I wanted to make myself happy.

I tried again. Nothing.

Again. Nothing.

I tried again. Nothing.

Again. Nothing.

Again. Nothing.

        I stared at myself for a couple minutes. I need to talk. I saw someone behind me. I turned around and saw Harry standing there. Watching me with a serious look. I shrugged at him like, 'what?!' He shook his head. I didn't know what he wanted and I didn't care. I turned around to face the mirror again. I tried to talk. Nothing. I felt like... like I was drunk again. That's exactly how I felt. I felt like... like two completely different people. I was stuck, not being able to do anything. All my actions... all my smiles... they were all 'her' again. She wasn't the drunk me. She was the me I wanted to be.

        I stepped back to examine myself. 'She' was skinny. 'She' was happy. 'She was beautiful. 'She was perfect. 'She was the girl I wanted to be. Then, a thought popped into my head. What if 'she' like Harry. I... I feel like I love Niall... Harry... Niall... who?! 

        "Is everything okay?" asked Harry. I turned to him. 'She' was the reason I couldn't talk. I looked down. I needed to get myself together and overcome this. I was strong. I needed to wake up from this bad dream. From this alternate universe. I needed to get away from this... this thing. I'm not beautiful. Let alone beautiful. I'm not happy. I'm not joyful. I'm not perfect... not even close. Those were the thoughts that ran through my head every day. Those... those weren't me. They were all her. They were all the me I wanted to be.

        "Amanda, what's wrong? Are you sick?"His voice rang inside my head. He cared. He actually, truthfully cared. I couldn't push him away. I couldn't. I looked up at him. He walked towards me and put his hand on my cheek. He bent down to kiss me on the nose. I didn't even smile. Only parts of the actual me were showing. The caring. Most of the smiles. My clothes weren't even me. I would never wear something this slutty! I heard the splashes of the water from the pool. The me inside... hiding would love to go down there and jump in. Would love to blast the music and laugh with the guys. Would got to the library everyday ad actually want to help people around there. Would love to come out and actually say who she loved. I was mostly that bitch inside me, wanting to come out. Only a little part of me was still here. I needed to get her out. To get rid of her. 

        I got on my tip-toes so I can whisper something into Harry's ear. I wanted to say, "I love you." I tried. No sound. I was disappointed. I figured out what was wrong with me. I could do this. I was stronger than her. I tried again. Nothing. Once more, it was nothing. I got off my tip-toes and put my hand over my mouth. She was stronger. I... I couldn't do anything. I looked down. I need to start small I thought to myself. Maybe the first step was wearing what I wanted to wear, instead of... of this trash. I ran to the window and looked out. I saw Niall sitting there next to Louis. Louis had his arm around Alex. Liam was in the pool and Zayn was on the side just relaxing with his feet in the pool.

        Hell, the real me would jump into that pool in anything. I took off my shoes and socks and turned around to face Harry. He looked confused.  I grabbed my hat off my head. Everything I ever wore wasn't me. It was all this slut bag! I threw my phone onto my bed (the cover actually was me). Then came off the bracelets. I needed my glasses. I ran down stairs, hearing Harry follow me. I opened the sliding glass door with a smile on my face. I ran to the table next to Alex, who smiled at me, but looked confused at the same time. I gave her another smile and took off my glasses. I turned around. Everything was a blur. I could see the outlines of things. She was telling me no. She was telling me I'd get my makeup ruined. That if it's ruined, also will my face - even worst than it already was. I could fell all eyes on me as I ran. I ran strait into the pool. I ran and jumped in in my clothes. No bikini, my clothes I've been wearing. I came back to the surface and looked around. I forgot, everything's a blur. I can't see the look on anyone's faces. 

        "Woohoo! Amanda jumped in! Zayn! It's your turn!"I heard Louis's voice call.

        "You know I can't swim," said Zayn simply. I smiled and then felt someone hug me. My glasses were back on my face. It was Liam. 

        "You jumped in! You jumped in... in your clothes. Why didn't you change into your swimsuit?" Liam asked concerned. He was like that caring brother. That caring brother that I never had I thought, turning around and looking at Louis. H e still had his arm around Alex, She didn't look so good. She noticed me looking at me and she put her hand to her head. I went to get out until I heard a splash. I turned to see Niall in the pool. I turned to get out, not caring about Niall getting in. I felt him pull me back in. He gave me a huge kiss and hugged me. When we pulled away, I saw Harry standing in the doorway of the glass door watching. He had pain in his eyes. I understood. It pains him to keep this all a secret and have to watch his girlfriend kiss and hug another guy. I needed to start talking again, soon. 

        "Hey, Amanda, what made you jump in like that?" called Zayn. I smiled and shrugged. I heard everyone start laughing. They only one not laughing was Harry. I had my eyes glued to him. I could move my eyes away from him. He just stared back. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he only turned and walked away. I didn't know what to do. I got out of the pool not thinking. And what I mean by 'not thinking' I mean, 'she' was the only one thinking and she was the one who wanted to get out and run to Harry.

        I ran to his room, but he told me to leave him alone. I walked to my room to get changed into this . I heard a shutter of a camera and then saw a flash. I turned around to see Niall standing there with a smile on his face. He was holding it. The camera I've been dying to have, he was holding it. He walked towards me. He put the camera in my hand and kissed my forehead.

        "I got it for you. I hope you like it." I didn't want it though. Not from him. Not from anyone but the store cashier when I was buying it with my own money. I didn't know what to do. I gave him hug. I ran and put it down and then grabbed my laptop,

        "You didn't have to do that! That was a lot of money!" He smiled at what I had typed.

        "I know you've been wanting a nice camera."

        "I don't care! I was going to buy it with my own money!

        "Then, think of it as an early birthday present." And with that, he gave me a quick kiss and walked out.