Will You Break Me? [Harry Styles Love Story]

Nothing, Nothing At All

Amanda's POV

        I looked at this beautiful camera in my hands. It was all I have ever wanted, but I felt bad. I needed to tell Niall. It was time I finally spoke up and said something. I looked at the camera and put it down. I went over to Niall's room and knock. No answer. I went downstairs and didn't see him there either. Zayn saw what I was doing.

        "He went out for a walk." He looked at me and gave me a tiny smile. I saw Alex standing in the kitchen. She smiled and came over to me. She grabbed my hand and led me upstairs. We went up to my room and she shut the door.

        "Nice jump," she said with a laugh. I smiled and laid back on the bed. "Okay, let's get down to what I really pulled you up here for." She sat down next to me. "Why are you still going out with Niall? I know you still love Harry. I can tell! Your eyes lite up when you see him." Really? They did? I wanted to tell her everything I've figured out. That I'm not me, that I need help. I don't just need to have someone talk to me and tell me they love me or that they're my friend. I need someone to show me how to love myself and how to get over pain. Not a therapist, I believe they just tell you lies to make you feel good about yourself. People that actually went through the same as me or who has gone through worst should be the people to help me. But, since Harry was the one that broke me, everyone believes he's the one to help me. I believed that too, until I found out the one that has been holding me back was the me I wanted to be. It hurt me to even know that I was the problem. I was the one holding me back. Not Harry. 

        Harry, he got so much hate. So much hate because of what he did to me, but if I hadn't started cutting and almost committed suicide, Harry wouldn't be getting much hate. Mom always gives him the death glare. I wanted everyone to stop. I wanted it all to stop. I wanted the words in my head to stop. The spinning of words in my head. The angry words. The sad screams. They were coming back. Everything. The screams of my mother when she found me about to take the pills. My screams form when Harry cheated on me. The screams form my mother and father screaming at each other. The screams from the teachers at school when we were acting out. Even the screams of fans at the One Direction concerts sounded bad to me right now. All the screams. They were all bad screams. I wanted to fall. I wanted to give up. I wanted it all to stop right now. 

        All of a sudden, they stopped. They all stopped, and I was hearing my name being called. I had my eyes closed, which I hadn't noticed. I opened them and saw I was on the floor. Alex was over me.

        "Are you okay?" she asked. I had my hands over my ears. I literally could hear ringing in my ears. It scared me. I got up and sat back down on the bed with Alex holding me. "How about we go somewhere." I stared at her she was crazy. I just had an episode and she wants to go out? I got up and walked over to my camera. I picked it up and turned it on. Alex went and sat next to the window. She sighed. 

        "I wish I could stay here... right here with you at this age forever and never have to go home to screaming parents and all the blame." She looked down and smiled I couldn't help but smile and take a picture.

        When she saw the flash, she jumped. I couldn't help but smile. She got mad, but after a while she just told me to get ready. I got dressed and walked downstairs, camera around my neck and phone in my pocket. I took out my nose ring. I didn't want to wear it right now. Alex opened the door and we walked out. She looked so happy. It was odd. She was never this happy. Maybe because we were going to the park? I don't know. I was going to take another picture until she covered her face.

        "You're lucky I let you take and keep that one picture!" I laughed. So touchy. 

        When we got there, the sun got blocked by the clouds. It was the afternoon, and the sun was slowly going down. The clouds that covered it and the clouds that were already above us turned the park almost an orange/pink color. It was late autumn. The leaves were beautiful shades of reds and oranges and yellows. It was all beautiful. A soccer ball came slowly rolling straight to my feet. I looked up to see Alex staring at me.

        "It's yours. I brought it from your house. Kick it!" I smiled. God, when was the last time I even touched this thing? I kicked it softly. It barley reached Alex's feet. She laughed. 

        "C'mon! I know you can kick harder than that! Louis was telling me how you guys used to play all the time and how you would always beat him!" I smiled. I couldn't believe that he was talking about that. I couldn't believe he was actually admitting that I used to beat him finally. He would always lie to look cool. I kicked it so hard that the camera bounced against my stomach. It hurt when the camera came back hitting me, but I didn't care. I having fun again. I felt like a kid again in grade school at recess playing with some random kids football. (or if you're American, soccer.)

        "Damn girl! You've got a foot on you!" Alex called while running to get it. I looked up at the orange and pink clouds above us. They were even more beautiful. I couldn't help but take a picture.

        I felt the ball hit my upper leg. I looked down and started bouncing it on my foot. I finally kicked it and Alex stopped it with her foot. She walked over to me while kicking the ball just  little bit in front of her. When it touched my foot, I placed my foot on top so she couldn't kick it again, though she tried, but we both fell. We just sat there for a while till I stood up and walked over to a bench. I sat there waiting for Alex to get up. My phone went off. I took off my camera and placed it next to me. I check and saw it was from Niall.

        Niall: Hey beautiful!

        Me: Hey, wats up?

        Niall: Nothin, so, how u liking ur camera?

        Me: I love it with all my heart!

        Niall: Hey, save some room in ur heart for me!

        Me: LOL! haha, sorry Niall! Love u! :)

        Niall: Love u too princess!! ;)

        Me: Aww, ur so sweet!

        Niall: Hey, is it okay if i ask u a ?

        Me: Sure... go ahead!

        Niall: Did u really want to die?

        Me: No one commits suicide cuz they wanna die

        Niall: Then y do they do it?

        Me: Cuz they want the pain to end

        Niall: oh...

        Me: Hey, i need 2 go! Alex is coming!

        Niall: Okay, love u princess!

        Me: Love u 2!

        Alex wasn't actually coming. I just said that because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I wonder why he wanted to know. About me almost committing suicide. It's weird that he would bring that up now.

        "Amanda," said Alex. She was right next to me. I looked up and... FLASH! She took a picture of me.

        "Sorry, I couldn't resist." She was smiling from ear to ear. I gave a weak smile back. I was still thinking about Niall's text. Why did he want to know? Now I was curious. I got up and started to walk home.