Will You Break Me? [Harry Styles Love Story]

I Picked, So Stop

Amanda's POV

        I chose. I needed someone who I could trust and that I wouldn't have to worry about breaking my heart, again. I was tired of Harry doing that to me and I needed to get over him. One time was enough. At this moment, I needed to get over everybody. All those mean words. Alex...

        God, Alex, I felt so bad just thinking about getting over our friendship. I couldn't forget. She was just like me. A cutter. Sad. Depressed. Always crying. Hell, we would cry ourselves to sleep. She was also suicidal... shit.

        "NO!" I yelled, letting go of Niall and running out of the room. I ran out of the house. I saw my mother, but she only watched as I ran out screaming the same thing over and over again, "Don't do it!"

        I ran to the park and looked around. I didn't see her. I pulled out my phone and called her. No answer.

        "Fuck!" I yelled, throwing my phone onto the grassy floor. I sat down and cried. It was probably too late. It doesn't take too long to kill yourself. It doesn't take long to cut too deep - take a handful of pills - put a gun to your head - make a noose. 

        The thoughts and pictures were running through my head. I couldn't take it. I broke down. Right there. In the middle of the park. I felt someones arms wrap around me. My mind instantly thought it was Niall, but when I turned, it was Zayn.

        "What's wrong?" he looked concerned.

        "Alex..." My voice drifted off and I cried even more, but I kept my head up, staring into his deep brown eyes. His eyes lit up to the sound of my voice, but if Alex really did kill herself, that would be the last time of him hearing it. 

        "What happened?"

        "I don't wanna talk about it." I looked down at my wrist. The cuts were showing. 'Fat' was carved in there. I remember all the words that I had carved in there, and I can name them off without looking. Useless, stupid, ugly, fat, dumb, bitch, idiot, dead.

        "I'm scared. I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm exploding. Like I can't breathe. My thoughts are taking over. They're getting the best of me. I feel alone, once again. Zayn, I am going to die." He only stared. He picked me up and carried me home. He didn't say a word. Great, now he was mad at me I thought to myself. He set me down and opened the door. We walked in and he ran upstairs. Liam ran to me hugging me. I pushed him away, still crying, and went into the kitchen. I walked over to the drawer and opened it. I saw the knife sitting there. I grabbed it and quickly slid it into my pocket. It was a small steak knife, it would do for now. I hated this feeling. 

        "Amanda, what are doing?" came Liam's sweet and innocent voice. Something popped into my head at that moment. I turned to look at him and smiled. I could feel the tears still streaming down my face, so I quickly wiped them away.

        "I'm not thinking right. I was looking for the bottles of water." Bottles of water, really?

        "You're smarter than that. Come on, come here." He held out his arms. I walked into them. I took a deep breath of his cologne. It smelled wonderful. I couldn't help myself from kissing him on the cheek. He let go of me and smiled. I smiled back, putting my hands into my pockets and feeling the knife sitting there. I smiled even wider. 

        "Amanda!" came Harry's voice. I kept on smiling. I followed the sound of his voice. He was still in my room, but I didn't see Niall anywhere. I closed the door behind me and walked to him.

        "Yes?" I asked as sweet as possible. I couldn't hold on to an idea of what I was going to say next for longer than five seconds.

        "Are you okay?" He looked so sweet. So amazing. So cute. 

        "I love you. So, no, I'm not okay." The words came running out of my mouth. I hated it, but at the same time I liked what I had just said. His eyes looked so green right now. I took a step closer.

        "You chose Niall." He took a step back.

        "That's because I like him." One step closer

        "You don't love him?"  One step back.

        "I want something new. You hurt me and I want to find someone who will make sure I'm okay and not go and screw with my heart." A step.

        "I'm sorry for that. I will always say that and I will always mean it." Stood there.

        "There has to be a reason for you doing that to me." Closer.

        "I don't know why. I wasn't used to the attention. I wasn't used to the looks girls were giving me. She came on me and I accepted her. I'm truly sorry." He finally took a step closer.

        "Is that why? Are you sure?" I  took a step back.

        "Yes." He took a step closer.

        "Did you ever get into the bed with her?" I took a step back.

        "No, I almost did, but I was snapped back into reality." He was taking giant steps. He was only a few inches from me.

        "Are you still innocent?" Back.

        "What?" Closer.

        "Virgin." Back.

        "No, I lost that before the band." Closer.

        "Oh." I looked down and stepped back.

        "What about you? You still a virgin." He smiled his amazing smile and got closer. God, he looked so amazing right now.

        "No, actually. You caught me a day too late." I knew it would set him off edge. Back, but this time, I stepped back a few times, so my back was against the wall.

        "Wait, is that what you did last night? Where and with who? Niall obviously doesn't know, does he?" He now started to do a little step at a time towards me.

        "Niall and tree house." I said pointing to the window. He turned and laughed.

        "Was it nice?" He walked now. He was right in front of me now. He put a hand on my hip. A shiver ran up my spine.

        "Yes, it was." I said in a 'I'm all that' type of voice. I kept my head up and looked him straight in the eyes.

        "Oh, really? So, do you think anyone could top it?" He was now rubbing my hip. It gave me goose bumps.

        "No, no I don't." I knew what was coming. I didn't care. I knew and I was going to accept it. He touched my forehead with his.

        "Really?" he asked, his lips inches away from mine.

        "Really."

        He pressed his lips to mine and throughout the whole kiss, he kept smiling. He couldn't resist but put his hands on my bum. I jumped at the sudden touch, but that only made me deepen the kiss. I grabbed at his shirt. I was determinded to get it off, so he stopped and took it off, throwing it to the floor.

        Then there was a knock at the door. 

        "Amanda, I need to talk to you!" yelled Niall.

        Right there. Right there, at that specific moment, I felt broken once more. It hurt. My insides. I looked at Harry. I walked to my bed. He put his shirt back on quickly as Niall walked in. I laid there and cried my eyes out, once more. 

        What was happening to me. I put my hand into my pocket and felt the knife. I was going to cut again. Tonight. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep myself.