Will You Break Me? [Harry Styles Love Story]

I Did It, So What?

Amanda's POV

        So, that night, when everyone was asleep, I went to the bathroom. The guys have been checking my wrist since my mother told them about my cutting, so I decided to cut my thighs. It was my first. There was much more blood. Looking at the blood drip down my leg felt... relaxing, for some reason. It was odd. Most people would panic, and I usually would also with my wrist, but it was different at this moment. I believe I would panic with  my wrist because I was afraid people would see. I knew no one would see my thighs. I wasn't going to let anyone either. Never again. 

        It's been two day since that. No one has seen. No one has asked about my cutting. They all thought I was better now that I was talking again. Now that I was smiling again. 

        Those words were what they wanted to hear.

        That smile was what they wanted to see. 

        It was all fake!

        I was downstairs with the guys watching Spongebob. Such an odd but entertaining show. Lou laughed at almost everything. Zayn smiled here and there. Liam was almost falling off the couch whenever he laughed, which was basically every couple seconds. Then you had Niall and Harry.

        I still wasn't sure of who I wanted. I was under my favorite purple blanket. It was freezing and it was plush, so if either of them put there hand on my thigh, I wouldn't give away the pain. Whenever I touched it, it would hurt and  burn, I didn't want to yelp in front of them. 

        Niall had his arm around me and Harry was holding my hand under the blanket. We figured we would just do this secretly until I could get my head together. 

        Mom's been all weird about me talking again. All I can think is she's disappointed that she has to hear me again.

        I haven't heard from Alex. I feel like shit and whenever someone says her name I would break down again. She was my best friend. She  was the only one who ever understood. I couldn't tell the boys what I would tell her. The boys just wouldn't understand. 

        Harry looked over at me and smiled. I smiled back. I really didn't want to be there. I honestly didn't. Not even if Harry was the only one there. I wanted to be by Alex's side. 

        "Amanda, are you okay?" asked Louis, staring at me.

        "Yeah, why?" I wouldn't even look at him. 

        "You don't look okay. Your eyes are red." I got up and looked in the mirror by the sliding glass door. My eyes were red and there were bags under them.I was crying the night before into Niall's arm. I missed Alex that much. I cried pretty much the whole night. I could never cry myself to sleep, because it made even more bad memories come rushing to my head. 

        I turned towards Louis. "Everything's fine." Instead of taking my place next to Niall and Harry, I went and sat on Louis's lap. He laughed.

        "Just like old times," he said with a smile. "It's nice to have the old you back Amanda."

        "Love. You can call me Love again." Him saying 'nice to have the old you back' hurt. I wasn't back yet. But, I gave him a smile, hiding the pain he just brought upon me.

        "Are you sure?" 

        "Yes, Louis, I'm sure." He smiled and hugged me. I looked at the t.v. and then at Niall and Harry. Niall wasn't paying attention to me.

        Harry mouthed the words, 'Good job'. He wanted me to try and become close with Louis once again. I told him I would try, but I honestly didn't want to yet. I wanted to once I was completely fine again. I didn't want to get close to him and then push him away again. I didn't want to hurt him again.