The Pirates of Maryland Point

1… INTERROGATION

I adjusted my glasses and grinned at the two police officers opposite me. They didn’t grin back. In fact they sat there, looking bored. Or maybe unimpressed. I couldn’t be sure anymore. We’d been in the same grey interview room for well over twelve hours now. Surely it was time to let me go? Or at least let me sleep?

It was DI Ken Bludwyn who eventually broke the silence. He was a weather-beaten specimen with a grey moustache and heavy bags under his eyes like hammocks.

‘Oscar, let’s go through it one more time.’

I stopped grinning. ‘Oh, c’mon! How many more times have I got to tell it to you?’

Bludwyn shrugged. ‘Until it makes sense.’

‘I’ve got rights y’know!’ I cried, pointing a finger at an imaginary charter on the table. ‘You can’t keep me here any longer.’

To Bludwyn’s right a pale-faced beanpole began bouncing up and down excitedly in his chair. ‘Can I tell him, sir? Can I?’

This was DC Lloyd “Slick” Peasworth. A rookie. And an annoyingly keen one at that. For the last twelve hours he’d had his tongue up Bludwyn’s arse looking for a promotion, or a biscuit. Either way it had made for uncomfortable viewing.

Bludwyn’s tash smirked. ‘Go ahead, Slick. Let’s see how the suspect takes the news.’

I didn’t like the sound of that. I sensed danger.

Words burst out of Slick’s mouth. Horrible words. But he said them with such joy it sounded like he was accepting an Academy award. ‘You are now on a terror charge! We can hold you for an entire month! Isn’t that great?’

I didn’t think it was that great, to be honest. And what did it mean anyway? A terror charge? Were they really stupid enough to try and pin everything on me? I could tell them what happened a million times, nothing would stick. How could it? They were barking up the wrong spruce.

‘You know, you’re wasting valuable police time,’ I said. ‘You should be out there looking for them, not questioning me.’

‘Them?’ Slick’s tone was sceptical, like he didn’t know what I was talking about. ‘You mean, the pirates?’

‘Of course the bloody pirates!’ I snapped. ‘I’ve told you three times now! Haven’t you been listening?’

‘You seem a little stressed. Maybe you need something to calm your nerves.’ Slick reached into his blazer and carefully placed a box of cigarettes on the table. He gave them a gentle tap. ‘Help yourself.’

‘You bastard.’

‘Now now,’ said Bludwyn. ‘You can’t swear at an officer.’

‘Of all the low stunts you could pull. You know I’ve given up.’

‘Oh?’ said Slick. ‘Since when?’

‘When do you think?’ I spat. ‘How can I smoke again after what happened? Just thinking about it makes me sick.’ I flicked the box back to him.

Bludwyn gave his partner a nod. Slick returned the cigarettes to his pocket.

‘Well, Oscar,’ said Bludwyn, ‘There’s no other option. Unless you are going to confess, I suggest you start at the very beginning, again.’

Slick nodded. ‘And when you get to the end, stop.’

‘Okay,’ I said, rubbing my forehead. ‘We’ll go from the very beginning, again…’ I cleared my throat and looked up at the ceiling, ready to relive the nightmare once more. ‘It all started out quite innocently I suppose, but it ended up being about the fate of the planet. And you know what? I didn’t even see it coming.’