Dear Simon // Ministar FF

2-1

 Light streams through the gap underneath the blind from the only tiny window in my room, and forces me to get up to roll it down. My legs were weak, and it felt like they'd crumble underneath me. I still got up, but then flopped back down on my bed. I could just make out 8:03 on the digital clock on my desk.

 Part of me wanted to go back to sleep, and forget about everything. Sometimes life is better when you stay in bed and let your mind rest. But part of me wanted to go outside and get some fresh air. I'd kept myself locked in my room for a whole day, and I needed to go downstairs. I hadn't had a single thing to eat, and I felt ill. I was pretty sure it was my feelings that were making me ill though.

 I already had a pair of joggers on, so I went to my wardrobe to get a jumper. I instantly slammed it and took a step back, nearly crashing into my desk. 

Panting, and trying to calm myself down I leant my head against my wardrobe. 

His black SDMN  hoodie.

I hadn't opened my wardrobe for quite a while, only wearing the clothes that were scattered around on the floor of my bedroom.

Stop overreacting.

It's ok.

I put a shirt on and slowly opened the wardrobe and took out his hoodie.

It's ok.

Picking up a random pair of socks, I went downstairs and into the kitchen, trying not to focus on where I was, and put the hoodie and socks on the table . I took myself a piece of bread, holding it in my mouth,  put my socks and shoes on, and headed outside.

The morning chill instantly hit me, and I paused, my mind blank. I blocked out as many visons as I could, but it wouldn't work. Tears came streaming down my face once again, and I dug my face into his hoodie.

It smelt of him.

I took a deep breath, an put it on. It was way too big for me, but I had never minded.

I walked away from the house, thinking of some place to go.

It was getting close to summer, and mornings were getting bright earlier and earlier every day. The other two would be asleep, so I wouldn't have one of them running after me.

I headed towards the park that wasn't too far.

The playground was empty, thankfully. I was enjoying being alone. The presence of people still left me seriously uncomfortable. I sat down at a bench, and started taking bites out of my bread. I found it hard to swallow, but I eventually finished it. I hadn't had an appetite since what happened.

I sat there for who knows how long, daydreaming about nothing. Just staring out as far as I could, my vision blurred.

I lifted my head up, and looked towards the sky.

Can you see me?

How far away are you?

I pulled my hood up, and a warm feeling flooded through me as I breathed in his scent.

I turned to my right a few times, expecting him to be there, only leaving me sad and disappointed. I started crying again.

The smell of him was in the air around me. It was a smell I could never forget. Memories of him came rushing into my mind.

Tucked up in his arms, only the two of us.

Only the two of us.

A couple of kids came running into the playground, and started climbing up the slide.

I let out a whisper.

"I miss you."