2 years ago...
I slapped him hard.
"What happened? What happened to us? Akala ko mahal mo ako, then why are you kissing her? What was that? Remember when you once told me I'm your world? I held on to that. Tell me, sino siya? Alam mo ba na ang sobrang sakit nang nakita ko? Hindi mo ba alam na mahal na mahal kita? I thought you love me? I thought I was your all?"
"You are. You still are." He moved closer to me I'm suffocating. He tried to hold my hand but I didn't let him. Nakita kong namutla sya sa ginawa ko.
"That was nothing. It wasn't my choice. Wala akong magagawa, I don't have any other option." he added
"Wala kang magagawa? That's bullshit. You always find ways in order not to hurt that one person you love. Hindi kita naiintindihan. Tell me the reason. Tell me the truth, are you tired of me? Dahil sa kaartehan ko? Lumapit ka lang ba sa'kin dahil sikat ako? Dahil maraming tao ang nakakilala sa'kin? May mahal ka na bang iba? Worse, minahal mo ba talaga ako? Yung totoo. Don't make me crazy. Please."
Nanatili ang mata niya sa baba. Hindi siya makatingin sa kin. Ang sakit. Ang sakit isipin na kahit anong subok mo, hindi parin talaga. You'll always reach that point where you realize that it was never meant to last.
"Bakit hindi ka makasagot? So, you didn't? So, ginamit mo lang ako dahil I'm known, dahil anak ako ng may-ari ng campus? You wanted to ride in my popularity?"
"I...I'm-"
"Save it." I cut him before he could say a word.
"I don't need further explanations. Ayoko na ng alibis. Naiintindihan ko na. Hindi mo 'ko minahal? So, lahat ng pinakita mo these past few months was all an act? Bakit? Dahil gusto mo saktan ako?"
Napapikit sya habang hinihilot ang kanyang sentido. For a second, I thought I saw a tear.
"Well, congrats!" I faked a laugh. "You deserve a trophy for breaking my heart. Lots of it."
I left him.
-------
Ang sakit. Masakit pala talaga kapag sa iyo na nangyari yun. I thought it was only in the movies. Pero hindi eh, this is the reality. Hindi imposible mangyari sa totoong buhay ang mga ganitong bagay. The fact that, ginamit niya lang ako?
Mababaw na kung mababaw pero napapaiyak talaga ako kapag naalala ko yung nangyari 2 years ago. I hate him.
The only thing I knew by that moment is, I started hating popularity. I hate being famous. I hate getting much attention. I hate being the girl who makes people turn their heads at me. I hate being noticed.
I hate being Amethyst Buenaventura.
