Identity [ON HIATUS]

24. No means...

The music thumped through the floorboards and the carpet from the first floor, where I clambered up the stairs, gripping onto the hand of Liam Litnicky as he led me to an empty bedroom.

I was drunk, I knew I was drunk; I could feel the burning alcohol slosh around in my stomach, and my pupils dilate until they were giant blackcurrants in the centre of my eyes. The bedroom was fairly flowery, with pastel coloured sheets and incense only recently blown out but still making the room smell of something beautiful.

It was peaceful here, and as I looked at Liam, who patted the edge of the bed beside where had sat, my heart began to beat fast. As I sat down, Liam took off his glasses, chucking them on a desk opposite us where paint had splattered and dried.

"I'm glad you came." He whispered, like a thousand bells chiming in my ears. He grinned and so did I, before I closed the gap between us. I didn't feel myself lean in, or really feel my lips press to his but they did, and he gripped the back of my head with his hand and pulled me close, making the kiss last forever, until I'd melted right there on the bed.

"I knew you wanted this." Our lips parted for a moment while he said this, running his fingers through my hair, letting my stare at him breathlessly.

I was so drunk that I didn't feel the cold zip of my dress be slowly drawn down. But when I did feel a breeze at the nape of neck, when I did feel Liam's fingers find their way to places inside my dress I didn't think they would go, I stood so fast, pushing my sleeve back over my shoulder.

I stared at him wild-eyed; he still sat there, his head cocked to the side and squinted. He was confused, confused as to why I didn't want this.

"What are you doing?" I was unsteady on my legs and he saw, standing too and grabbing my shoulders.

"I'm doing what we've both wanted." He said, kissing my neck gently, slowly drawing me back to the bed. I restrained, and he drew back, looking at me again. "What are you doing?"

It wasn't confusion on his face anymore, it was anger.

"I don't understand; you always act sad around me so I'll comfort you..."

"Act sad?" I stumbled backwards, feeling the wooden desk hit my back. "I'm not acting sad! My sister died!" I heard myself shouting and I was sure that the whole neighbourhood could.

"I've seen the way you look at me, Daisy. You want me, and I want you. And now that we're here, you're changing your tune?" He stepped closer, gripping my elbows. It was hard, and it hurt, but I couldn't feel it, the alcohol swimming around the part of my brain that registered pain. I blinked a couple of times, looked down at his stance. He was in the defensive.

It suddenly got very cold.

"This isn't fair, you've led me on." His voice was quieter, calmer than mine. But he wasn't quiet, he wasn't calm. Voices were shouting in my head to get out, to do something, but I was frozen, my shoes sticking to the carpet.

He kissed me again, pinning me in between his body and the desk. "You want this," He whispered. "You can't just say you want it and then not go through with it. It'll be fun."

I shook my head, feeling tears drip down my cheeks. I felt the ice breaking, and I shoved him away from me. I ran for the door, but I get pulled back, my arm almost out its socket. I landed on the bed, where Liam had pinned me down, clambering on top of me.

"Stop it!" He yelled, but no one could hear, the partying roaring downstairs. He stared down at me, his lips gentle but his eyes were wild. I didn't even know Liam properly; I didn't even know me properly. He leaned down and kissed me again, as if that would make it all better.

I felt something inside of me and I choked it down. I wanted it to be over, but I couldn't move. His grip was firm and the weight of him was crushing me, like I was slowly slipping through the mattress and into a place where I couldn't see or feel or hear anything.

The darkness closed around me, and I found a part of me that was safe and closed off where no one could hurt me.

And I let Rose out.