Loving Rain (Watty Awards 2011)

Chapter 38 - The Sky

Loving Rain - Ch. 38 

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               The only thing I could think about was the fact that Alan didn’t have his cloak on. Everyone in this room could see him exactly as he was: like a beast. I spun around as quickly as I could to check their reactions, and what I saw in their faces surprised me. It was acceptance.

               Well, on everyone who was actually looking. Cayla was distraught, as she should have been, and neither Lee nor Queen Glenda were turned towards us. But Cian and Melvin were, and on Melvin’s face sat a look of such indifference that I wondered if perhaps I had imagined Alan’s being there. And Cian stood with his eyes straight at us, no emotion on his face at all.

               Why was I so horrible? Why, at a time like this, was I fretting over whether or not Alan was seen? Right now, his condition hardly seemed important. The letter told us Kai was dead, and as soon as I thought of it like that, I realized that living like a beast was a thousand times better than not being able to live at all.

               “It’s all my fault,” Alan said again, and this time Cian’s face hardened like stone. Every line of his face was solid and deep, as if it had been chiseled piece by piece out of the strongest rock earth brings forth.

               “Alan,” he said, and it was no wonder that he knew exactly who it was upon sight.

               The prince whose arms were wrapped around me took a tiny step closer to them, pushing me behind his gigantic body. I could no longer see either of my other friends. A cry rose up from Cayla, and I peeked around Alan until I could see her body convulsing in all kinds of distorted motions, so wracked with guilt and grief that no words could bring her from her depression. My stomach clenched, and I wanted to reach out and hold her tightly to me, but Alan stuck out an arm and prevented me from taking a single step closer. My hand fell on his forearm and I looked up at him with a glance that could only be described as half questioning and half full of pain. He turned away from me and spoke once again to Cian.

               “I knew about the war before it even started. Word was already spread to Anatolia when I met her here. I knew. And yet, I did nothing to stop it. I could have saved their lives. I could have saved all of their lives. But I didn’t think it would actually come to pass, or that…”

               Cian came at him then, his rage blaring through his body in an intensity that I’d never seen before. His fists were at his side, slowly rising with each step he took toward Alan and me, and I was the first person to put together what was going to happen. I stepped out from behind Alan as sneakily as I could and flung myself at Cian’s stomach. As the force of my weight lunged him backwards, his fist was mere centimeters from Alan’s face. The latter hadn’t even moved.

               “Stop it,” I yelled at Cian, tears pouring down my face like rain fall. “Violence isn’t going to solve anything! It’s what got us here in the first place! Why would you hit him?”

               The boy’s hands grabbed my arms and he held me away from him slightly so that he could look into my eyes. I couldn’t stand it; the blackness was in them again, and it seemed to be eating away at the boy I used to know and replacing him with this boy who only seemed to know pain. “You would protect him? After he just openly admitted to having a part in Kai’s murder?”

               My eyes rested on his mouth, since it was the only part of his body that didn’t seem completely foreign. “Alan didn’t have anything to do with Kai dying. Neither did Fernad. Cian, don’t you see? It was me. Without me being here, there would have been no war. Without me being here, there would have been no death; no sadness. It’s me, Cian! It’s all because I left Alan!”