The Love and The Lie

Chapter 13

Karen's POV

Jeanine's chuckles sound from behind me. Her cool palms cup my face, and just as I open my eyes, her lips clash into mine. She unstraps me from the table as her tongue brushes my tongue. Jeanine doesn't bother freeing my legs. Her hands roam down my face and around me. She lifts me into sitting, while the kiss persists. Our hot breaths collide like two bodies of water, reminding me of the Erudite choosing bowl.

Warmth finally leaves my mouth as we break for air. I stare into Jeanine's metallic eyes. They radiate with passion and excitement. "I love you so much," she whispers before nearing again, only to tease me. Her lips remain centimeters away from mine. I can detect her minty breath.

"I miss us," I say, leaning into her. Our lips are together again, yet not for as long. Only long enough to fill me with warmth again. Jeanine smooches my head, and steps away. I still feel dazed by everything. I just woke up from a simulation, only to be ambushed by my love. "Did I get Erudite?" I ask.

Jeanine grabs her tablet, which holds the data and nods. "You made it. That is why I had to kiss you," she says, looking up at me. I can only focus on her crimson, grinning mouth.

"If I make it to the apartment we will kiss again?"

Jeanine smirks. "If you make it to the apartment, then we can do so much more." She steps away to log off of her computer and turns off the monitors.

"Then let's go," I insist, stretching to unstrap my legs. Jeanine's heels tap vigorously on the metallic floor. The room grows still. It is when her hand is pressed against my shoulder, that I regard her.

"You... have to also pass the trial. It is scheduled for tomorrow," Jeanine murmurs. Her words stop my heart. They make my hope deflate like a balloon. I know that I won't pass the trial. "I'm sorry," Jeanine says, "I'm trying to help, except you have to do this independently. Do you understand what crimes to Erudite you have committed?"

How has our joy turned into melancholy? I can't face Jeanine. My eyes burn with a desire to let my tears fall. Jeanine's hand glides across my back and she wraps her arms around me. She continues, "You are charged with holding valuable information. The fact that it involves your divergence only worsens the situation."

"Then what was the point of all of this? Why did you put me through that simulation?" Jeanine doesn't give me an answer as I await a response. What if she just used me to collect data? What if she's lying to me now? What if what she said in the cell isn't true at all?

"Karen, I will be on that council. I'm just warning you: your options are limited. The worst is that you become factionless. The-"

"Did you use me?" I say more hoarsely than I mean to. The person I strangely enough, still adore is speechless. Love is obnoxious, but Jeanine has no reaction to something for once. "I participated in your  treacherous experiments on Divergents since the day that I've met you! This is how you treat the person you claim to love?" Jeanine opens her mouth to talk, but no sound comes out. "Was anything that you said in that cell true? Do you even still have feelings for me anymore?" Warm steaks of tears slip past my cheeks. I didn't notice them before. I wonder if Jeanine cares that I'm upset.

"I do love you, Karen," Jeanine starts, "Love is unconditional, is it not?" I'm not the only one who is clearly getting upset. She does not cry with tears, but her face says it all. Still, rather than pleasing me, sorrow is the only thing that can fill me. In this moment, I just want to run away. I only want to get out of this situation. If Jeanine does love me, then I only want to be free to be with her again. I want the life that we used to have. Yet that can't happen anymore, because I chose not to tell her; because I feared her reaction too much.
•
It only happened within a month. Jeanine was my instructor for the majority of the classes that I took as an initiate. It was the seventh time that I had chemistry. I had the class once everyday, and so that made for seeing Jeanine more often. She was only three years older than me. To this day, our relationship then seems clearer than now. The class period remains perfectly clear in my memory.