The Love and The Lie

Chapter 14

Jeanine's POV

Karen makes my blood boil. How can she not understand that I love her? I have put my profession at risk to be with her. We both have.

"I did not use you, Karen. How could I if that serum was already developed? You are far too irrational!" I exclaim. Karen hasn't gotten off of the chair. She  presses her temples with her fingers in frustration.

"I just want to be with you," Karen whines. I want the two of us to be together again too. Yet that can't happen. Karen has broken far too many laws. At best, she will clean labs for the rest of her life, never to be presented any other information. She will live her life in disgrace, inhabiting the worst apartments, and because of all of this, we will never be together again. Our love is to an extent, seemingly hopeless.

Factionless, is worse than death. So her next best option would be execution. I hope that I will never have to be the one to fill her with death serum. Something deep within me aches, considering that option. To kill her would provide the same results as any other option, except it would bring both guilt and grief to me. Compunction for being the one to execute the doing. Sorrow knowing that she will  be gone from the world I know forever. To make matters worst, her corpse will be utilized in research and development. The horror of her dissection fills me with a fiery burn of fury. That cannot happen. She cannot die. I will ensure that Karen does not absolutely be sentenced to death.

Still, her fate will be determined by the Erudite council. While I am the head of that organization, I cannot guarantee that Karen will be safe.

"Are you crying?" I hear Karen whisper. It returns me to the moment, and I am suddenly self-aware of the fact that I have indeed been crying. In a minute wet droplets have crowded near the canaliculi- the portion of the eye otherwise known as the tear duct.

I hold her hands, twisting my fingers into hers, like a pile of small snakes. "I want to be with you too. I regret putting us in this situation," I admit. My voice breaks and Karen wipes tears away from my eyes.

It is unusual how I cannot come to accept her consequences, yet she shows that she has by being calm and collected- the opposite of me. Perhaps she has already acknowledged her ill-fate. I can only wish that it will not be the result of my poor actions.

Yet logic and facts do not lie like Karen and I.

We may never be together after this.

Karen murmurs something into my ear. Her breaths are far warmer than this room. "What was that?" I whisper into her ear.

"When will the meeting begin?"

"In two hours."

"I want to spend those final two hours by your side," Karen whispers. She sounds so desperate, it makes me want to laugh. Karen is never this way. "Why are you smiling?"

"You sound so desperate."

"I'm going to die, Jeanine," Karen mutters. I cannot ponder or feel what she might feel saying those words. I can, however feel the weight of those words on my own heart, and they scorch it with passion and frustration.

"You are a wonderful lier, Karen. You will not die." I want to know that I will see her after today. Our love will not become a diminished flame. It will become a fire, as we will re-create it, by re-creating our trust in one another. Our lies were the past. Our love is the future.

Silence passes for more than enough time. It reminds me of the stillness in my classes. Particularly, the quiet environment of that class period where I dared admit my love for Karen. "Come on. We should get to your cell to plan out the details of the trial," I order.

I pull Karen's two arms, sliding her off the reclinable seat. We walk through the door, my arm pulling her waist towards me, as if I am afraid of her ever leaving my side. I know that with the trial, it will eventually happen. Now, I just long to spend as much of my time with her as I can.

There was a time, when two sets of clapping echoed through the hallways of Erudite. Now there is only one; my own. Karen's footsteps are silent, and noticeable now as the two of us head to her cell. In time, we face the large metallic door, weighing at about thirty pounds. The dauntless guard stationed there- his name is Mark, I remember- opens the door at my command. I hastily step through the doorway, urging Karen in. A bang follows with a locking noise afterwards. Karen saunters from my hold of her. She grips her head with her hands, her fingers delving into her rich hair. Her cries echo from the cell walls, like pebbles off of still water.

"I'm so scared," She shudders. "I don't want to-"

"You will not," I assure.

"And how do you know?"

Karen's words bring a certain pain. No Erudite wants to be told that they cannot know something. Time drags on, as it did in the lab. "You know me so well, it hurts."

"The same can be said about you." Karen's voice carries sudden contempt now.

"If you are referring to the events after you notified me of your divergence, then your pain was only caused by you."

"No, I am referring to the events after those. In which I had no control over my life. When you could have could have done anything to me, even kill me with the authority that you have!"

Karen's sobs grow louder as my rage strengthens. She may believe that, except she clearly has not contemplated a single, powerful detail. "I still love you though. That is why I chose not to execute you while I had the chance, and it is also the reason why I will not execute you now, or in the future." I am ready to leave. My fingers hang on the doorknob, waiting for a response. Karen finally turns. Her face is red, streaked with wet tears, hot with emotion, and desperate for hope. I want to hug her, hold her to me and reassure that we will be together, and that I love her. I want to cuddle close to her, feeling her warmth, and to be free to express my love to her. I want to live the life we lived before this all happened. I grip the handle, staring at my only love, become drenched in misery.

"Goodbye Karen. I will see you at the trial."