How to Survive School

*2*: Tests

"Holy shit, we have a test?!" About once a week, I say this in a class.

Studying is a problem for me, and I find it extremely difficult to concentrate on something (especially if it's something completely uninteresting, like math) for more than five minutes. Studying comes easily for some, but not so easily for others. Here are some tips for how to study well:

1) No distractions:

This is very basic. Just put your phone in a different room, and put anything else that might distract you away. Sit in the quietest, most temperature regulated room in your house, so you don't get too hot or too cold, or your family is yelling at you to do something or the other.

Most of the time, when I "study," I do about one problem, and then I go on my phone for two hours. So, if I have a final or something, I don't even put music on, and I tell my family not to bother me for the next few hours because I'll be studying. This way, I have nothing else to do but study.

Basically, I end up studying out of boredom.

2) Rewards:

Food is a wonderful motivation. So, in order to motivate yourself to study, make a deal with yourself: For every three problems you do, you can eat one swedish fish. So, you're basically bribing yourself.

3) Study methods:

People learn in different ways. Maybe you learn well if you have things to memorize, or if you have a visual representation, or flashcards. Maybe you're much better off if someone quizzes you on your vocabulary, versus you studying by yourself.

Use the things you have around you, and be resourceful when you come up with your study methods. Chances are, there is one particular way in which you find yourself getting more educated than the other ways.

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But, those are for responsible people. I am not a responsible person, therefore, I have better tips on how to cram:

1) Break it down:

You have limited time. You have to memorize twenty latin stems and ten words in five minutes. How will you do it? Finish the hardest one first, and then go to the easier part. Memorize all the words first, then you can go back and memorize your stems.

2) Review:

The majority of the time, I will find that memorizing all of that was not so hard after all. Well, one of the worst mistakes I have ever made is not reviewing in the three minutes I have before I take the test. When you cram all that information inside your brain that fast, it only takes a minute or to to forget pieces of it. So, constantly keep reviewing the information so you won't forget it, or it is basically doomsday.

3) Don't freak out:

Chances are, you are not the only one who didn't study for the test. Whatever you do, do not pair up with the other person to study, even if they are your friend. Stay focused and study by yourself for however long you have to cram for the test. The last thing you need to do is freak out with your friend because you are "so dead." If you stay focused, you might just live through it.

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Well, all that studying stuff is better said than done. What about the actual test? How can you get a good grade on a test, regardless of how prepared you are? There are a few simple, but incredibly important test-taking strategies that can help you out:

1) Remember the questions:

Teachers can be nice sometimes. They will put the answer to question four in question number twenty three. If you can notice things like this, it is an easy couple of points, and you feel super accomplished for being smart and noticing this.

2) Read the question completely:

Don't just read half the question and think you know the answer. Teachers can also be very tricky. You'd have to read the question all the way through to realize that it was asking for which president was not inaugurated twice.

3) Check your work:

This is probably the most important thing to remember. When you are nervous, you tend to forget simple things, like 4x6 is 24, not 32. Going back and checking your work (especially on finals) is important to achieve the grade that you deserve.

4) Leave no questions unanswered:

On several, disappointing occasions, I have written down the wrong answer on the answer sheet, even though I wrote it correctly on my scratch paper. When you get the test back, you basically think, "Well, that's it. I'm done. I'm killing myself now, goodbye world."

And also remember that, as long as you don't get penalized for wrong answers (some tests work that way, even though it's crazy, if you ask me), guessing is always better than leaving it blank. Especially on multiple choice questions (statistically, C is the most used multiple choice answer), if you guess, you at least have a shot at getting it right, versus leaving it completely blank.

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That's enough for the honest ways to take a test. Truth be told, everybody cheats. I like to think in this way: "If you can cheat and get away with it, why wouldn't you?"

I have never gotten caught cheating. Why is this? I'm not obvious about my cheating at all. I am very careful and thoughtful about my cheating. Even some of the classic cheating strategies aren't always the best, such as writing formulas on your hand, and things like that. Here are a few great ways to cheat:

1) Under the desk:

If you have a sheet with conjectures or formulas or vocab written on it, put that underneath your desk, and look down at it every so often. Some teachers will notice this one, and other might not, so be careful of which class you use this in.

2) Thanks, kid:

Just look off the person next to you. This works well, especially if they are your friend, or if they don't mind people cheating off of them. If you want to be discreet, look over at their paper when they are writing something down, because they are less likely to glance your way if they are busy being smart and knowing the answers.

I love seeing people's reactions when they hear that I cheated off of them. It's like shock, but then they just laugh, and I'm like, "thanks, kid, you were real helpful!"

3) Partners in crime:

Have a cheating partner. Just choose one of your friends that has no guilty conscience, and thinks like you do. Then, obviously, make sure that they sit next to you, so you can see each other's answers. And, if your stuck on a question, just write them a little note, or both of you go to the bathroom before you hand the test in, and discuss the questions you need help on.

4) I think I forgot my name:

This one is super easy. After turning in your test, obtain the answer(s) to a problem/ question you didn't know. Once you have the answer, just find your paper from the stack of turned in papers with the excuse "I think I forgot my name," and change your answer to the correct one.

5) Be clever and resourceful:

If you have a shitty teacher who lets you take more than one day on a test, you are golden. Just write down the problems on a scratch piece of paper and work on them at home.

One time, in seventh grade, I had a test on factoring. I didn't know shit, and my teacher gave us three class periods to finish the test. On the second day, I just brought home the problems and had my brother solve them for me. I told him that I was having trouble with my homework, and needed help with these problems, and since he didn't want to teach me, and he's like super good at math, he just solved them for me. The next day at school, I just copied down his work and his answers onto the test, and the teacher never found out. I got a 92% on the test. If I hadn't cheated, I legitimately would have gotten an F.

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The best feeling in the world is cheating and getting away with it. But, remember to stay cautious, because you could get caught for cheating, and to plan everything out carefully, and have a lie or excuse ready in case someone catches you or rats you out.

So, next time, instead of studying, try cheating!