Let's Just Give It Time: In The End (Sequel to Let's Just Give It Time)

Let's Just Give It Time: In The End- Chapter 1

                I think the aftereffect of a heartbreak is the strangest thing known to man. You feel so many different emotions and think so many things; it’s hard to put into words. The reason is because you look back on the memories and good times and you still can’t wrap your head around the fact that someone you trusted and loved so much could hurt you like they did. It’s uncanny and unbelievable. A part of your mind wants to believe it never happened, another part still loves them and wants to forgive them and another part hates them with a burning passion. To put all those feelings into one is indescribable because it’s not normal to feel all those things towards one person but you do and you don’t know what to do about it. People on the outside looking in see it as an easy decision but they weren’t there for the good times, the sweet moments, the ‘I love you’s’, the kisses, and everything else that made that relationship worth your while. They have basic facts and barely any information but want to voice an opinion like they know every god damn detail but they don’t understand and they won’t ever understand until they’re in your shoes. So if every relationship is different who can you turn to? Who can give you advice? Who can tell you what’s best for you? I’ll tell you who, only you. Only you know what it felt like and what it meant and how it made you feel; only you because the rest are just guessing and assuming. The rest just see the bad and the betrayal and the heartbreak. So the question is, how many good things have to happen before a bad is canceled out? Or can something even cancel out a bad? It’s hard to say because your mind will always remember the bad things just like the good. You can’t choose what you remember; it’s just there, imprinted in your mind for the rest of your life. So what you have to do is decide if you’ll hold it against that person.

This past week and half I’ve experienced so many emotions I don’t think it’s healthy one bit. I sit in my room crying, not leaving the bed, so heartbroken. The next day I’m filled anger, I want to punch everything, and cuss everyone out who annoys me in the least bit. The day after that I’m acting like I don’t even care about what happened, that he doesn’t deserve me crying over him ‘cause he doesn’t care one bit about me; and that’s the cycle I’ve been going through. My brothers and mom have been wondering what’s wrong but I just say nothing. I think the worst part of it all is seeing my mom go through the same cycle and she’s trying to be so strong for me and my brothers but ever since she kicked my dad out, we see it and we know. I quit my job at Top Point because I couldn’t even stand the thought of having to see Harley and Vic. I told Lydia and Zance about everything and they were pretty shocked because I didn’t even tell them I was dating Vic, let alone anyone. They’ve been trying to be there for me but they don’t understand, they just hate him and think he’s a douche and that I should never hang out with him again. I feel like that too on certain days but others I miss him and I hate that I miss him but I do. It’s battle within me; to try and stay strong and stay away because I know he doesn’t care and hasn’t changed. School is starting tomorrow and I’m just glad because schoolwork will keep me busy and hopefully my mind off everything. I’ve never been so happy for summer to be over, to be honest I wish this summer never happened. I wanted change and to be taken more seriously, like an adult. I realized there’s nothing good about that; what did I get out of being treated like an adult and change? I got heartbreak, waking up early to go to a job I thought would be cool but once I got into the groove of things, it became boring and tiresome.  Before this summer I hung out with my friends, not caring about a relationship, having fun, and relaxing. I thought being treated like an adult would be cool but now I just feel like shit and hate life more than ever. Remind me never to wish for things, they never go as plan.

“Kellin?” My mom said slowly opening the door in a soft tone. I could tell she wasn’t happy she’s usually chipper especially when school time is starting.

“Yeah?” I said turning the opposite way and wiping the tears off my face. I quickly put on a fake happy face and looked over at her.

“You got everything ready for school tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“Alright, get some rest.” She began closing the door.

“Mom.” I called out and she stopped then looked back in at me. “Everything’s going to be okay, I know you’re sad but everything will be fine, I promise.” I hated seeing her like this, broken, she’s my mom and I love her more than anything. I saw the tears filling her eyes; I got up and went over to her, wrapping my arms around her tight. I felt myself about to cry because I think I really needed that hug too, I was in so much pain from Vic, and my mom always could make me feel better with her hugs.

“Everything is going to be alright for you too.” She said. I let go and looked at her confused.

“I don’t know who the girl was and you don’t have to tell me but it’ll be alright.” She said wiping the tears off her cheeks. “We’re in this together.” She gave a fake smile.

“Yeah.” I gave one right back. I didn’t really know how she knew, maybe it was just mother’s intuition or because she’s going through the exact same thing. Even though she didn’t know it was a boy it still felt good to hear her say that we were in this together.

“Get some sleep; you have to wake up early tomorrow.” She kissed my forehead then left. I climbed into bed quickly falling asleep; it wasn’t that hard, for some reason crying made me extremely tired.

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                Walking into the school the next morning with Lydia and Zance, I felt kind of refreshed, like this was a new start. I hadn’t cried or felt sad all morning and I wanted to keep it this way. Walking down the hall to my locker, Lydia and I realized our lockers were just a couple apart and Zance’s couldn’t be that far away by his number. Looking at the numbers on the lockers we walked past we saw we were getting closer because the numbers were going down and ours were in the 300’s.

“Kellin!” I heard a girl’s voice say. I looked up from my paper and gritted my teeth. “Kellin, I need to talk to you. I didn’t know you were sleeping with Vic too, I’m sorry.” Harley whispered getting closer. I rolled my eyes. “I’m really sorry and don’t worry I won’t tell anyone that you’re gay.”

“Do you think I care if you tell anyone you sleazy bitch? I don’t care! I don’t like you, I don’t want to be around you, I don’t want you breathing the same air as me, I don’t want to go to the same school as you but I have to so just stay out of my way and leave me alone!” I snapped. Luckily everyone was in a rush to find their lockers and classes that no one paid attention. Lydia grabbed my arm, pulling me away and Zance followed. I was so heated, I just wanted to go back and yell at her some more. If she was a guy I would’ve punched her by now. Once we got to our lockers we opened them, Lydia’s was 3 lockers down and Zance’s was across the hall. The lockers were pretty small, I expected them to be bigger but they were big enough to hold your books and stuff so that’s good.

“Hey.” I heard that voice that I got so comfortable to hearing on a daily basis say. Still he made my heart beat faster, the only thing different is now its hurts and filled with hate. I wanted to cry as well as yell at him. I took a deep breath before I turned around and looked at Vic; I couldn’t believe he was standing here trying to talk to me and even worse acting so casual. I looked over at Lydia and she was just staring not knowing what to do.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

“No.” I replied bluntly.

“After all the good times we’ve had together you don’t even have 2 seconds for me?” he asked. I rolled my eyes at the comment.

“You mean like that one good time when I walked in on you cheating on me? No, I don’t have 2 seconds for you.” I said.

“Let me see!” Mike came running up and snatching my schedule out my hand. Vic sighed. “Fuck yes! We have the same classes except the last one.” Mike raised his hand to high five me. I smiled and gave him a high five then closed my locker.

“Come on, let’s go to class.” I said pushing past Vic.

“See ya’ later bro” Mike said to Vic then began walking with Lydia, Zance, and I. Before school started I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hang out with Mike because I thought it would be too hard since he’s related to Vic but I decided I’m not going to let Vic get in the way of my friendship with Mike. Plus it’s just a bonus that it pisses him off because he didn’t even want me hanging out with Mike in the first place. I smirked just at the thought and kept walking to class.