Into My Own

Thirty-Eight

A glance in the mirror on Sunday morning made me cringe. All that time out in the sun yesterday had turned me the color of a boiled lobster. Torrin, for once in his life, didn't comment on my appearance as I brushed past him in the kitchen on my way outside.

Had mom not been sulking in the kitchen already, I would've probably stayed inside and baked something. Instead, I hurried outside and found my feed pan full of show equipment still stored in the barn from spring show and gingerly began going through it.

My grand champion ribbon was slightly wrinkled, wedged in between the bucket of feed and the container of brushes.

A flood of memories washed over me as I went through the contents, putting everything in it's respective bucket.

Stuck in my scotch comb, a folded piece of notebook paper caught my eye. I began shaking and the breath seemed to stop moving through my lungs as I unfolded it.

Meet me in the pig barn was scribbled in crude, boyish handwriting and there was no signature. Obviously, it wasn't necessary after everything had happened.

Without even thinking about it, I dropped to the ground and covered my sunburnt face with my ice cold hands.

Why can't he just leave me alone?

I focused on regulating my breathing, not wanting to give in to the looming panic attack.

My phone began ringing and I fumbled with it.

"Hello?"

"Coda?" Kellan's voice sounded concerned. "You okay?"

I tried to clear my throat, but it just made me feel like I was choking.

"What's wrong?" The worry began rising.

I tried to speak, but only managed to release a whimper.

"Woah, hey. Take a deep breath. It's gonna be okay."

I went back to focusing on my breaths, clutching the phone for dear life.

"Coda, what's wrong?"

"It's him." I couldn't bring myself to explain what was going on.

"What did he do? I swear to god, if he hurt you again, I'll kill him with my bare hands..." Kellan ranted.

"I found a note."

"Hey, calm down. I'm gonna come over, okay? I'm already in my pickup. Stay on the phone."

I could hear an engine revving in the background.

"Uh, it's okay," I argued weakly. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," he stated with vehemence. "I'm coming over."

"Please don't get in a wreck!" I almost wailed.

"Coda, I'm not gonna wreck. And don't worry about me."

The strains of a song coming from his radio met my ears.

Baby we both got walls to break through,

but you ain't got wheels and I sure ain't got wings

Well baby I know that I can save you, if you can rescue me

The lyrics had a calming effect on my racing heart. Kellan began singing softly.

His arms, her touch, their trust in each other,

They both got somethin' they can't live without

Some days they fight, but those nights they love harder and harder, still there ain't no doubt