Not My Love

The Feeling

   I had to admit to myself that I was starting to have feelings for Nick. After loosing Rebecca as my friend, he was the only one I had to go too. No one else cared about me to come to my rescue and help me out, make me feel wanted. I sat on the floor in the living room with Nick holding me close to him, comforting me after I told him what happened. I didn't know what to do, so I sat there with him holding me, letting me cry into this chest. I thought about many things, I thought about my feelings for him, about Rebecca leaving me as a friend, and Luke and Rebecca's relationship that I ruined, about everything.

   "Kristin, look at me please. Your just fine, nothing bad is going to happen to you. Rebecca just needs some time to cool down and fix her relationship, then she will be your friend again. I promise, and if that doesn't happen then I'll make it happen so your happy again. Alright?"

   I looked at Nick and nodded my head, then he kissed the top of my head. I blushed a little, but not enough for him to notice. I was happy that he was here making me feel better about my life and promising to help me out. I hope he's right about this though. I stood up and wiped my tears away from my eyes then went to the bathroom to fix my eye liner. I looked at myself in the mirror and fixed my eye liner. When I turned around, Nick was standing in the doorway. He walked over to me and grabbed a tissue. Gently he put his hand on my cheek and wiped the tissue under my eyes.

   "You don't need that. Your beautiful enough. You don't need all this to cover up who you really are."

   I looked away and stepped back. I walked out of the bathroom and locked myself in my room. I threw myself onto the floor and cried. I sat myself against the door and tried not to let another tear out, hopping that I will  be better in a few minutes. I started feeling better and walked over to my desk. I looked at myself in my mirror and started reapplying my makeup. I hide myself behind my mask of makeup. I only use it to make myself feel safer in the world. Everyone has a mask on hiding themselves from everyone.

   I walked out of the room with my mask of makeup on. I didn't put a lot on, just a little. When I opened the door, Nick was standing there with a small smile on his lovely face. I didn't know what to do so I just walked passed him, hopping he wouldn't follow. But to my luck, he follows me. He grabs me by the waist and holds me close against his chest, making me feel safe and warm. I close my eyes and fall into his strong grasp onto me, finally feeling wanted by someone.

   "I know you like me. Just admit it and I'll stop bothering you....aka stopping you from running away."

   I looked at him and sighed. "It's true, I'm starting to have feelings for you. You understand me better then anyone, your there for me, you make me happy. It's true, I like you Nick. "

   He just smiled down at me and kissed the top of my head. I smiled and blushed a little. I stepped back and looked into his  ice blue eyes. I pushed back a piece of his jet black hair to get a better look into his eyes. I got lost in his eyes, it was like they trapped you when you look into them. When I looked into his eyes, I felt safer. His eyes seemed to sparkle to me, but that could just be because I've never felt this way about anyone before. I smiles and looked away from his eyes, finally be released from the trap they lead me into. He gently put his hand under my chin and pulled my eyes back into his gaze.

   I couldn't keep my eyes away from landing on his ice blue eyes again. They were so amazing, the way the light hit them was just fantastic. I didn't realize it until now how muscular he is. I put my hand on his chest and felt his abs. Oh my god, he was so muscular. I couldn't stop myself from fantasizing about it. I stepped back, getting out of his grasp. I walked out of the house and down the sidewalk. I didn't know where I was going, just walking.

    To my surprise, Nick didn't follow me. I guess he was letting me run away, letting me cool off. I saw him leave the house, but he didn't follow me. He must have gone somewhere else instead. I walked down the sidewalk, and I ended up at the school. I didn't want to be there, I knew Rebecca and Luke were there, and I didn't want them to see me. I walked passed the school and farther down the road. I ended up at a pair of abandoned train tracks on a cliff. I sat on the cliff looking out into the town. There was an abandoned train there, and some paint cans too. I didn't pick one up, just sat there looking at the town.

   I thought about what was happening in my life, when I felt my phone buzz. I pulled it out and read the message from Nick. It said:

             "Kristin, I don't know where you are but if you are feeling lonely or something like that and you need someone to be there for you, I'm always here for you. I just want you to know that I like you too and I left something on your bed for you when you get back to the house. Bye Kristin."

    I didn't know how to reply, so I just put my phone away and continued to look down at the town. I thought to myself many things. What was I getting myself into?