The Girls I Have Loved Before

Chapter 1 - The start

I was young. I was foolish. I wasn't mature and I didn't really understand the concept of love. Well. I thought my understanding would remain the same. I hoped that I would stay pure and unshaken by the idea. Guess I was wrong.

I still remember when I first saw her face. I had just started high school. Everything seemed so big and scary and I felt ever so small. My parents dropped me at the school gates. I nervously walked toward the large building with 'St Hopes School' plastered on its face. I kept my hands in my blazer pockets. I picked at the skin around my nails in order to attempt to calm my nerves as I walked into the school and met with the headmaster. I can still remember that moment when I shook his hand. He was tall, slim and fair. I could see sweat beading up and rolling down his bald head and onto the floor.

After a brief conversation with the headmaster I was directed towards the main hall to meet with my fellow pupils for the next 5 years or so. Every step I took toward the main hall made me more and more uncomfortable. I felt like turning back, but I shouldn't, I felt like screaming but I couldn't. I had to soldier on.

I entered the hall. I sat down next to a boy called Toby, he had this cool watch, with a small calculator on it. I turned my head toward the girls in my year and that's the first time I saw her. She was like a green leaf in the midst of autumn, she was like the moon in a starless night sky. The moment our eyes met I melted inside. She was beautiful. Her eyes glistened like diamonds. She was perfect. Or so I thought

Let's skip forward a couple of months. I made lots of friends that were both girls and boys. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to talk to her. We were strangers and only exchanged awkard stares by accident. But when we did I felt some sort of connection between her and I.

One day my friends and I were playing soccer outside and for some strange reason one of my friends who wasn't a great soccer player attempted to do some tricks. The ball slowly rolled away and I went to chase after it. Focusing only on ball and with my arms placed shoulder width apart ready to grab the ball. I ran into her.

I felt to embarrassed. We made eye contact for just a second. But in that one second nothing else mattered in the world. I forgot about the ball. It was as if her and I froze time when our eyes met, I was oblivious to everything going on around me. My friends were shouting at me to get the ball. But during those few seconds where our eyes met their voices seemed so distant, so far away.

I started to like her. I never told her this of course. I was ever too shy to tell her. The problem arised when we became best friends. It would be awkward for both of us if one of us thought of the other as more than a friend. I kept my feelings a secret. Until one day...

We were in maths class and one of my friends dared me to write her a note and tell her how I felt about her. So, I did. I wrote on a small piece of paper. 'Hey I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time, I like you as more than a friend'. Then I passed the note down to her. As she opened it I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact. Fear was my weakness.

I was young, foolish and in love. I had no idea how strong words were. How they had the power to destroy families and ruin friendships and on some rare occasions make some wonderful stories.

I continued with my work, avoiding all eye contact with anyone on her side of the classroom. But then, a miracle happened. I believe that everyone gets a miracle and this was mine. She passed me a note back saying: 'I like you too'.

My heart melted in my chest. I was so overwhelmed and happy but so surprised and suspicious that this was was a ruse. But the suspicion all faded away when our eyes met once again, those warm, kind eyes.

At this point in time my life felt amazing I found someone who felt about me as I felt about them. My life was like a dream. My life was perfect. Or so I thought.