She Wanted to be Saved

Chapter 4

I sat on the edge of the bridge above the churning black waters below. A chill made its way down my spine, it was cold but not freezing. It was pitch black apart from the half full moon casting an eeire glow apon everything its light would touch.

It was comforting, calming being here in the night air almost like home. The road behind me was vacant, the bridge was rarely used at night.

I use to come here all the time as a little child. I would pick the daisies and search for chubby caterpillars and pretty red lady bugs. I would lay in the grass and look up at the sky and make out shapes in the fluffy, white clouds. Then use the Daisy's to make daisy chain crowns and jewellery and wear them. I would prounce around in my sun dress claiming to be the daisy fairy princess. I looked over to the old oak tree that I would dance around. The dead tree just stood there still and silent no beautiful green leaves or birds singing and flying around it just a dark silhouette. The grass was patchy and brown, not a white daisy or beautiful white butterfly in sight.

I knew in that moment the happy, innocent girl that knew nothing but baking cookies with Grandma and how to make a daisy chain was long gone, now she made art with a blade and her own skin.

The bridge had pretty old architecture and some of the wood on the edge of the bridge had grown with moss. The bridge was always quiet at night, I sometimes would sneak out at ungodly hours in the morning when I couldn't sleep and watch the stars. I looked up to the half full moon. It was truly beautiful, pure and white but it looked lonely and wrong missing its other half, sort of like me. Feeling lost and alone wasn't new to me though.

I looked back down to the churning black waters below me, they looked cruel and consuming but at the same time inviting and welcoming. The water would be cold, I wonder how long it would take me to die. I knew the bottom was full of jagged, sharp rocks and it was about a 10 to 15 foot drop.

I ran my hand over my pocket where I traced the reassuring outline of the one razor I had bought with me. I could feel the tears slowly trickle down my face and land in the water below.

Why shouldn't I do it? What's there to live for? No one wants me or needs me, my mum couldn't be more disappointed in me, I can never live up to her expectations. My dad never wanted me that's why he left, heck I don't even want myself. I'm just a waste of space, a failure. The tears started to fall like a waterfall rather than a small stream, sobs racked my body as I wrapped my arms tightly around myself.

All my Life I have had to tell myself things were going to be okay, I had to comfort myself and for once I wanted someone to tell me everything was going to alright even if it wasn't. I just want someone to stay for once. I felt truly and utterly alone, no one knew or understood my pain. I leaned further over the edge and closed my eyes.

As I whispered under my breath, "good-bye."