She Wanted to be Saved

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I hadn't cried yet. I couldn't it's like my mind wasn't buying it, like this was all some big joke. My Mum had released my hand and so I shoved one deep into my jacket pocket and the other was playing with the bird still clasped around my neck. We walked down the pristine white hallways lined with a green colour, I never got that. Why on earth would someone find green an appetising colour to but in a hospital? Why not a sunny orange or bright yellow. If anything looking at that colour was making me sick, it wasn't even a green more like someone ate to much cabbage and threw it up all down the corridor. I remember walking out of this place a couple of months ago hand in hand with Jackson and now I was walking back in here but only this time it wasn't for me.

My head was exploding with a million explanations, theory's and none seemed to put my mind at ease if anything the thoughts evoked more queries and concerns. My palms and the back of my neck was clammy with sweat and I could feel my cheeks redden like they always did when I was nervous. My eyes followed down to my mum who was walking beside me, she didn't have her usual composed look and her face was stricken with worry. Her eyes looked like they were holding back tears, I often forget how close my Mum and Jackson actually have gotten. It's like he was her son she asked for his opinion and even when she went on a date with a man in which I was still to meet she asked for his opinion.

I looked away from her as we stopped in front the door of Ward A door 54. My breathing kicked up a pace and so did my heart as my mum placed her hand to my back rubbing it soothingly. She reached for the door handle and got a firm grasp before looking at me with a questioning stare. I nodded slowly as she pushed it open.

The room inside smelled like sanitizer and dishwashing liquid. There was a green curtain obscuring our view and various beeps coming from behind it. A tv was mounted from the ceiling and a square window giving the view of the hospital garden they had outside. Stacy ushered out from behind the curtain her eyes were bloodshot and her face seemed to have more wrinkles then last time I had seen her.

Her mouth turned up at the corners and her eyes lit up upon meeting mine her hair wasn't curled in it's normal bouncing curls but a mess, "oh Malory," she said. She walked over and gave me a tight motherly hug and then looked towards my mother as they exchanged a friendly smile.

"Hi Stacy," I tried to smile and by now I could feel parts of me fall apart I had kept it together until now but seeing Jackson's mother in her not so perfect, organised self struck a nerve and that feeling of wrongness at the pit of my stomach only became more stronger.

I nervously glanced at the drawn curtain and back to Stacy's waiting, sad eyes, "may I see him? Where is he?"

"Oh, yes of course, just through here," she answered and walked back behind the curtain but I just stood there not looking away from the blank, green curtain and how I craved to see what was behind it but couldn't bring myself to do it. He lay beyond this curtain and I didn't know what to expect all I knew was that seeing him so vulnerable, so innocent, would break me. My cover up would be lost in a matter of seconds.

My mum put a hand to my shoulder and squeezed before whispering, "come on sweetie, you can do this. I love you."

I snapped from my thoughts and gave her a sad smile before following Stacy behind the curtain.

The source of the beeping was a big machine located to the right of the bed reading his heartbeat and various other doctorly measurements and a drip was attached to his bandaged arm. There were gashes and bruises scattered over his body and his right leg looked heavily plastered and a large, deep cut spread from his forehead to his eyebrow. His eyes were lightly shut and his mouth slightly agape, his chest slowly rose and fell as a tube ran from his nose to yet another machine. He looked peaceful and relaxed almost like he had fought in a hard battle and come out so exhausted and tired that he just feel into this deep sleep.