Two months and ten days. Two months and ten days of crying myself to sleep. Two long months and ten days, agonizing months without your laugh. Two months and ten days without your presents. Two months and ten days that you have been gone. Each and every day I pray, I pray that it's all just a dream. And I'll wake up and it's over. All of it, everything. That I'll wake up and I'll see your face. I'll wake up to your annoying laugh. That I'll wake up too whipped cream on my face. Or that I'll wake up and it will all just be a dream. A dream I do not want to be in. Wishing that there wasn't a tree that I have to visit wishing each time I wanted to hold you I didn't have to hold a box of Ashes. Wishing that every time I walked up the stairs I wouldn't have to see a dark lifeless room. Wishing that every step I take every breath I breathe you were right beside me. Each night I cry, I cry myself to sleep wondering. Wondering if I could have done something differently. Could I had said something different would you still be by my side? Would I have to be writing these messages that you will never see? Would there be a tree? A tree that I have to visit just to stand where you took your last breath? Would there be a part of the tree missing a part where you took your last breath?All these things run through my mind every night every day. All I want to know is why? Why did God take someone who lived to seek another day, why not take someone who is begging God to take them every day? Why you? But I've realized that's what you do when picking a flower you pick the prettiest one, killing it, killing it the moment you pull it from the ground. So I guess that's what God did. He picked the best flower leaving it to die. To slowly wither away and die. Each night I just wish it was all a dream one big horrible dream.
