Hetalia: The Fifty Stars

Chapter 31: Golden Girl

California. The 31st state is commonly known as the Golden Girl of the West. She's- Hey! What are you-

"Yoink!"

"Cali! That's my laptop! Give it back! Stop! Cali!"

"Can't catch me!" *Blows a raspberry*

"Get back here damn it!"

Ba-Da-Ba-Da-Ba-Da-Ba-Da-Ba-Da! Slam! Click! "Bwahahaha! Too slow!"

Knock! Knock! Knock! "Seriously Cali! Open this door!" Knock! Knock! Knock! "Cali! I swear if you don't give my laptop back I'll-"

"Relax, Author-senpai. I'm just going to borrow this laptop and type in my own intro."

"I won't allow it! Hurry up and open this door before I call America and tell on ya!"

"Pfft! Whatever. In the meantime, let's spice this intro with a bit of my famous celebrity charm."

"Cali! Cali, open up! Sigh..." (Author walks away defeated...)

Woohoo! What's up my fabulous followers! I bet after seeing my brief appearances throughout this fanfic you're freakin' ecstatic to see me. As you know, California is totally the best state in all of America. Don't deny it! I'm gorgeously beautiful, fabulously talented, athletically fit, and extremely smart. No matter what Texas says, I'm a gazillion leagues better than her!

Even though I'm hella awesome nowadays, you have no idea how freakin' lame my past was. Before Hollywood and the Gold Rush, I was an underdeveloped wasteland, lost without a purpose in this vast world. Like, you couldn't imagine how boring my life was. Being the poor, little girl I was back then, I dreamed of a miracle that I would one day be rich and famous. And luckily for little me, this miracle took the form of a small, gold nugget I found in a river during one chilly morning.

☆☆☆☆☆

I wondered how Baja was doing.

Despite being separated, we were still close. She and I didn't like Mexico, notably after he started acting like a dick. When we heard the news of Tejas becoming a republic, we, too, thought about becoming free from Mexico. She didn't think she was strong enough to becoming independent, even after I offered to protect her. Nevertheless, she wished me luck in my endeavors. I was confident with my plans until America declared war on Mexico.

My plans for freedom were put on hold once the first American troops stepped foot in my home. I was forced to cooperate with them, putting up little resistance to their arrival. Initially, I didn't have a problem with this. The few Americans I met always talked about America like he was the best husband in the world. Nice place... Financially stable... Not a piece of shit like Mexico... Plus, I heard Tejas was taking a liking to him. I hadn't met him yet, but he sounded like the coolest guy I could get along with.

While some of the Americans were nice to me, others were not as nice as I wanted them to be. Unfortunately for me, some of these mean Americans put me to work as a laborer. Like, what the fuck?! How dare they put me, a little girl, to work?! If this was America's punishment for being Mexican, I swear by the Virgin Mary I was going to kick him in el pito (the whistle/dick).

You guys wouldn't believe how bad it was to be a laborer at Sutter's Fort. While Mr. Sutter gloated his plans to build an agriculture empire, his Native American "employees" and I were forced to work the fields for twelve hours straight from dawn to dusk. Food- I mean, mushy slop was served in troughs for us to eat. Like pigs, the natives didn't mind, but I wasn't going to eat slop. Nuh-uh! I had standards! There was no fucking way I was going to be treated worse than a pig. A pig!