Sober.

Four.

By the time we got to his bedroom we were both fully naked and ready to pounce on each other, Zayn threw me on the bed and got on top of me before kissing all up my body. I loved the way he took control. As soon as his face got near mine I placed my lips on his, Zayn always had this rule about no kissing it'll get you attached but he kissed me right back and that surprised me. Was he attached? Was I? I knew I was there was no denying it I was hopelessly in love with Zayn Malik and I wanted the whole world to know so as we made love I screamed his name out louder and louder letting everyone know I was the luckiest girl in the world and Zayn Malik was the luckiest guy in the world to have me loving him fully.

I woke up with his arms wrapped tightly around me, this never happened he always pushed himself away, the whole attached thing came up again. I moved slightly and he let me out of his grip. I went in to the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth. I fixed my hair in to a messy bun and walked out in one of his tshirts. "Sel you need to leave now." "What? Why?" I got nervous and my whole stomach dropped, "You know I'm dating Gigi." There went my heart it completely ripped in half like it was nothing. I held in my tears as I slipped on my underwear and walked out of his house.

When I drove down the block I stopped the car and cried. Everything that was pent up just came out. All his words last night were fake he just wanted me for sex he didn't want to really be with me he never did. I finished crying and drove home quickly.

I got out of the shower my eyes were bloodshot and puffy, I put on some anti puff cream and hoped for the best as I got ready for the Grammys. Everyone who's everyone would be there and of course I was part of Taylor's group tonight and guess who else she had? Yup Gigi, Zayn was arriving alone because they were keeping everything on the down low. I slipped my dress on and let my makeup artist go to work. "Everything alright Sel?" They knew me better than anyone. "Everything's perfect." I gave her a fake smile and she continued.

I got to the carpet just in time to walk with all of the girls, I stood next to Taylor and Gigi was on her other side. I mentally swore at her the whole time but she didn't know that. We got inside to see everyone we all knew and secretly hated.

I was greeted and talked to by many but not by the one I wanted to talk to. I rolled my eyes as Gigi sat by his side and held his hand tightly, why could he get attached to her and not me? It made no sense at all. Was I not good enough? Not skinny enough? Not blonde enough? I sat down scrolling through my phone as everyone talked on and on there was an whole hour before this thing started and I wanted to leave already. Justin sat next to me and smiled. "Same old Sel always not in to talking." "You know I hate it." "Me too." I laughed for the first time in 24 hours it felt nice but it wasn't who I wanted it to be with. "You still with him?" He said nodding towards Zayn. "When was I ever with him?" "You can tell he loves you." "He doesn't." "But he does." I saw Zayn staring at us as we talked, his jaw was clenched and his hand was in a fist. I meant nothing to him anyways. "Want to come to my place after?" I asked slightly flirting with Justin. "Of course Sel." He kissed my cheek and went to his seat as everyone started sitting down.

I walked out with Justin's arm around my waist and my hand in his hair as we just fell in love with each other all over again. I knew this was stupid and I knew I would get hurt but I was already so broken what can more damage do?