Sober.

Eleven.

*2 Months Later*
Selena's Pov*

I looked down at my scarred arm and sighed, I will forever remember the moment I tried to kill myself and for the last two months it's been playing in my head. The cut was healed luckily, but that damn scar what was I thinking? I was put on antidepressants and anxiety meds for my mental disorders. Which helped a lot lately. Zayn was on tour an I was missing him like crazy. And of course doubting he would want to stay with a girl like me. I spun around the kitchen as I sang my new number one hit 'Hands To Myself' I loved it so did Zayn, he loved to play it while we were having sex but I always giggled away and had him turn it off. Who can have sex to there own song? I heard my phone start ringing just as I was getting in to the shower. I ran in to my room grabbed it and pressed okay to FaceTime. "Hi love." "Zayn." I breathed, he was such an amazing guy I was really lucky to have him even if I didn't say it much. "What are you doing love?" "I was just getting in the shower." I said as I stepped in and had the phone on my bathroom counter. "Ugh I wish I was there." "Me too." I pouted, I missed his touch so badly. "Our tour will be in Cali in one week I can stay with you the whole time don't worry love, and you know after that we have a break." I smiled even if he couldn't see me, he made me so happy. "Yay I can't wait to see you, touch you, kiss you.." "Fuck me." "Zayn!" I giggled, "Sorry love it's just been almost two months." "I know you're not gonna meet any other girl right?" "Of course not Sel I love you." "I love you too Zayn." "I gotta go were going on stage love you bye." "Love you bye." He blew a kiss in to the phone and ended the call, I wrapped a towel around my body before walking in to my bedroom and slipping on underwear and a dress.

I walked out to my living room feeling lightheaded but thinking nothing of it because I just took a hot shower. I grabbed the tv remote before laying down on the couch. I was gaining weight which the doctors were happy with because I was anorexic, but my head was telling me other wise. I was a fat ass to myself but I probably just looked normal.