Dreaming Backwards

Chapter 3

i stare too long in the mirror i'm conceded , I wear too much make up and i'm trying to be Barbie. I call myself fat because i think i'm not skinny enough, It takes me hours to do my hair because that's what everybody is doing now a days. I smile too much so i must have a lot a pain behind my smile. I wear tight jeans and crop tops and i'm trying to get sexual attention. I talk loud so i can be heard because i'm tired of being talked over and not given a second thought. And I'm called a basic ghetto Black girl. I only stick with the people i've known the longest and that have been there with me since forever and i cut everybody else out and i'm "fake". I have Black and White friends and know how to use proper grammar so i'm an oreo.  I don't hug people often so i must've been abused aas a young child. But if you haven't noticed there's a pattern to all these thoughts. Not a single one comes from me but from outsiders, They come from people who don't know what to do with others beside categorize them as if they are a librarians trying to alphabetize books A to Z.  If you don't fit in these categories then you are put on the shelf or randoms. The place where any and everyone can choose to talk and dehumanize you.  You fit no where so you become no one. Because you don't reach the standards of being a common person in society. Because Ghetto becomes a person instead of a place.  Make up becomes a weapon instead of a tool, skinny becomes a  necessity instead of a self goal. Wanting to dress up for your becomes dressing up for "him". You smile because you know the pain of others around you , so you brighten their day by giving them a simple wave and a polite hello. I simply give my hair a little toss because life is too to spend on my hair. I look in the mirror to find myself through all the pain in my eyes. Yet a lot of us could never understand this because we are too busy categorizing the other precious humans around us.  i answer my best friend without a stutter or a bat of the eye when she asks me " Trinity how do you feel"?