It's a change {TW story}

Love? Nah, bullshit.

NEXT DAY

I felt horrible. My head was pounding and when I tried to opened my eyes the sun burnt a hole in my head ( not literally, but you get it ) . What did I do last night? 

I heard a loud knock on the door, well in my head it was more like a nuclear bomb. 

"What?!", I said, my voice were raspy from all those cigarets and with a slightly irritated tone to it. The door opened slowly, and I could see Nathan peek trough the little opening. Damn it. Not him. 

"I don't wanna talk to you" I said harshly, " Just leave me " , "I understand. You have all the reasons to hate me. But we need to talk! For real this time." He replied, I would still be surprised when I heard him talk. Puberty must have hit him pretty damn hard... " Can I please come in? " ,I dragged the duvet closer to my face so you barely could see me, I probably look like shit right now. 

" Yeah, but I don't have any clothes on... So no peeking! " I heard him chuckle a little before replying; " I know, you have always slept without clothes my dear! So I won't peek... But I might check you out " , his cheeky little comment made my eyes pop.. 

" Dickhead. " I mumbled under my breath, 

" Is that my new nickname? " , I rolled my eyes at his comment, " Okay, sorry... But I do actually have a reason why I havn't called you, " , " Or texted" I said with venom dripping from my words. " And by the way, I would love to hear your excuses". He sat down in the bed and scratched the back of his head and looked really nervous. 

" It, ehm, it isn't a very good reason but, hum. Yeah... Here goes nothing: I love you Elisabeth. And just the thought of you made me wanna go home and leave my dream behind me. So hearing your delicate voice or see your pretty eyes, it would destroy me... " he closed his eyes just like he was waiting for me to say something cheesy back to him. I would say that, because I still kinda had feeling for him. But he has actually been a total ass to me these couple of years. And I wouldn't forgive him just because he came and told me he loved me... 

" Oh, Nathy... " I said with sugary voice, and sat up, he opened his eyes and looked at me with hope in them, Double Jerk. " Do you know what? " I said, now my voice were seductive and I had begun to lean in. The duvet had slipped down and my chest where now fully exposed. 

" What? " he said with shaken voice, I locked my underlip between my teeth and were still leaning in... The corner of my lips stroked his chin on it's way to his ear. I could feel and see the effect my touch had on him. 

" That is bullshit. " I said with soft voice in his ear and I saw chills run trough his body... 

" You are still just a jerk, in fact that is your new nickname: Jerk! I am leaving! " , I pushed myself up from the bed and walked out of the door from my room... Then I remembered, it was my room and, I didn't have any clothes on... Oh shit! 

" This is my room so you should leave! " , I walked back into the room. Nathan sat on my bed still and his eyes where locked at my exposed body... " Nathan, I know. I'm naked... You don't need to stare! Please close your eyes and think about our time together when we were kids. " , he gave me a suspicious look but closed his eyes... " So okay, that girl, who is laughing and have tea party's with her pink teddy bear, the one who would blush when you said something cheeky and the girl that were so innocent that it was ridiculous! That is the girl you love. Not this girl in front of you, " , I grabbed panties and continued: ", not the girl who gets drunk every night, not the girl who's ribs are visible. Not the girl with a broken heart, nor the one who gotta get high just because she wanna feel something... Not the girl who gotta sleep with different guys every week just to feel loved and wanted... You aren't in love in me. You are in love with the girl I used to be. " he slowly open his eyes again, and this time he looked at my body once more. And now without a boys lustfully eyes, but with Nathans eyes. He saw my ribs, my hipbones my collarbones he saw my sick thigh gap. And he saw all the scars on my body after all the fights I had gotten involved in. 

After a while his eyes where back at mine, and saw them. And they were Dead.

" Mom! I am going for a walk... " , I grabbed my jacket and rucksack, checked if I had my phone and my cigarets. Yes, all done then! 

" Wait! ... " , I sighed and turned around , " Take Nathan with you, I don't want you to get into more trouble... " , she pushed Nathan to me and we just stood there, awkwardly. 

" Mom, I don't need a babysitter! I've got Miley, remember? " , mom had met Miley once or twice before, but that didn't end up well. 

" Puft, yeah right! Nathan are going with you. Or you won't go at all. " , I tried to say something back. But she just lifted her finger to prove her point. Nathan tried to, but she would do the same to him. 

" Come on, Jerk. " , I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the door. 

" Woho, jeez. Women, chill out will ya? " , I pushed irritate and purple strand of hair out of my way and gave him a killer look. 

" I still hate you. " , I said harshly and pulled up a cigaret and placed it in my mouth. Just when I was about to light it, the Jerk decided to speak up. 

" You know that you will die because of those? " , he took a few steps to me, and took a few back, he tried once again, and I did the same. When he realized that he would lose this little game, he sighed and gave up. 

" I am not stupid, Jerk. That's why I smoke. " , I had finally lighted it and took a deep inhale. 

" You smoke, cus you wanna die? " , I nodded my head and blew the smoke right at him. He creeped the shit out of me when he took a deep breath and let the smoke fill his lungs. But in a way, he look really sexy while doing it. And I caught myself thinking about him, on top of me, in the bed. Naked. 

" Fuck " , I cursed and took of to the direction I knew I could and would get blitzed. 

" Where are you going? " , the Jerk ran up besides me, " To a place where I can get blitzed and get a good fuck. " , I just simply replied without facing him. 

" Well, can I come? " , I looked at his adorable ( no, creepy ) smile and nodded. " Thanks... " , we walked a while but then when I were just going to light my third cigaret Jerk stopped my moves and I gave him another killer look. 

" What the hell? " , " Can I have one? Please?? " , he begged me. What is he trying to do, " Um, yeah. Here take one. " , he took one from the pack and held it unsure in between his index finger and middle finger. He look at it with a disgust look at first, but then his eyes softened. 

I chuckled ( yeah, I am tom-boy I do that ) and took it from his hand, 

" Hey, that was mine! " , " Here, you can't hold it like this. Then you will look gay and people will laugh at ya. You are a guy, so you should hold it like this, " , I showed him and then placed it in his hand again. He took it in between his thumb and index finger. And just like that, he became more sexy in my eyes. 

" Right, if you can inhale like a master. I would easily let you fuck me... " , I gave him the lighter and met his eyes, " What? " , 

" You would let me have sex with you? " , he asked hopefully. " Puft, no! I would let you fuck me. No love Nath. Just lust... "

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dedicated to @breanna_twluv  cus she was the first one to follow me and she has put this story in her Reading list! So thank you! :)