Role Reversal

Chapter 9

"Incoming major RTC, five minutes. Should I ring Dylan and ask him to come in today?". Zoe stopped in the doorway of Jacob's office.
"Why do we need Dylan?" Jacob shot Zoe a puzzled look.
"Well we're going to need another doctor in resus"
"Or I could just come? No need to drag in Dylan on his day off".

Since his earlier conversation with Zoe, Jacob had isolated himself in the safety of his office.

"Erm it's just that one of the casualties is a young child Jacob...I think it's maybe best if you stay here" Zoe looked at Jacob in concern.
"No it's fine"
"But I just thought, because of what day it is... you don't have to do this-'
"I said I'm fine."
Without looking at Zoe, he strode past her, to resus.

The fact that one of the casualties was a child that had been involved in a car accident just reinforced to Jacob that he needed to be there, to save them.

He looked down at the small, lifeless body in front of him.
"I let you down Charlotte. I'm so sorry".
Jacob allowed the tears to fall down his face. He gently stroked her forehead and trailed his fingers down her cheek.

"Jacob, I know you probably don't want to see me right now, in fact you probably never want to see my face again. But I'm so sorry. I will never, ever, forgive myself. It just happened so quickly, the car came out of no where and-"

Jacob slowly turned to face his sister, who had entered the room.
"This wasn't your fault Sarah"
Sarah stared at her brother, shocked at the words leaving his mouth - of course she felt it was her fault, she was the one driving Charlotte to dance at the time of the accident. "But Jacob, I was the one driving the car, I was the one taking Charlotte to dance. I should be the one lying there, not stood here with just a few scratches"

Jacob just shook his head. "I should have been the one driving Charlotte to dance, not you"

"But you got caught up at work Jacob you were busy and got asked to stay on shift, you couldn't help that" she placed her hand on his arm.
Jacob looked away from his sister.
"I didn't have to stay late, I volunteered to - I let my daughter down because I would rather stay and flirt with a nurse"
Jacob looked back at his sister who was clearly confused, before continuing. "Do you know where I was when you and Charlotte arrived in the ED after the accident Sarah? I was with that same nurse in the store room upstairs. If I had gone to resus as soon as I had been informed of an incoming RTC, maybe Charlotte would still be here right now. I could have had a chance to help save her."
He looked away, ashamed at himself.

"This is not your fault Jacob, you didn't cause the accident. Her heart had stopped in the ambulance before she even arrived at the hospital - they had to do CPR the whole way there. By the time she reached the hospital there was very little that the doctors could do. There would have been nothing you could have done more if you had been there."

"You don't know that Sarah"
He looked at his little girl and placed a kiss on her forehead.
He whispered softly into her hair.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there to save you".

---
"Wait a minute, am I seeing things?? It can't actually be the clinical lead making an appearance in his own ED" Connie voice was full sarcasm as she walked over to Jacob. She hadn't yet seen him today due to his morning meeting and then his disappearance to his office.
It was a tough day for Jacob. The anniversary of his little girl's death was difficult every year.
To make it worse, he had been unable to save the young child brought in from the accident 30 minutes ago.

"What have you been up to all morning anyway boss? Been sneaking around with nurses upstairs?" Connie grinned at Jacob as she came up beside him.

Jacob froze.
Connie was of course unaware of Jacob's past, unaware of the guilt that drowned Jacob inside.
He gritted his teeth and tried to focus his attention on the notes he was holding.

But Connie's words repeated over and over in his head 'been sneaking around with nurses upstairs...'.

Connie's words brought the memories of that day exactly 4 years previous, flooding back:
'5 more minutes Jay' ...

'Jacob, where on earth have you been? You were called to resus 20 minutes ago'...

'I'm so sorry Jacob. We couldn't save her'...

He tried to block them out, but the voices just got louder.
The words on the paper he had in front of him blurred, as his emotions threatened to be exposed - he had to get to his office before they took control.
He quickly placed the notes down and turned in the direction of his office.

Connie followed him, the playful smile was still formed on her lips.
"So boss-"
But Jacob didn't let her finish, he didn't have time for her silly little games.

He span around.
"Don't you dare call me that again" he spat.

Connie was surprised at Jacob's outburst.
She knew there was more to it than hate though. She could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Sorry Mr Mast-"
Jacob rolled his eyes and glared at the nurse.
"Sorry? You're not sorry. Everything is just a big game to you isn't it. You think you can make everyone jump at the click of your fingers. You think you're so desirable. YOU'RE PATHETIC CONNIE"

Cal, Rita and Zoe watched, their mouths open in shock and disbelief, as they watched Jacob storm to his office.

Connie watched him walk away too. She was speechless.
She wasn't usually one to care what people thought about her - until now.
Connie's constant playful and flirtatious manner was usually all just a bit of fun - she didn't look for serious relationships.

It was different with Jacob though. She felt something.
Although he always acted like he wasn't interested, Connie had seen the smile he always tried to hide when she was around him.
She thought he had felt the same way.