16 & pregnant

10•

*Bethany's P.O.V*

I felt the tears stain my face. I looked up and my mom ran a red light. But I couldn't seem to care. All I care about, is my babies. I kind of miss the way it used to be, and when everything was simple. No pregnancy, no Cameron, no life. I'm really starting to fucking hate myself. I miss the old me, the happy me. This me just wishes to not even be alive sometimes.

"Come on Bethany, get up!" I look up and see my mom yelling at me. Everything feels like slow motion. So the pain is lasting longer. She pulls my arm finally getting me out of the car.

She puts my arm around her shoulders and guides me inside. My mom is yelling at the nurse that is sitting in receptionist desk. I felt like I was about to fall, my knees began to fall. My mom began yelling louder.

The nurse ran somewhere while I stood in my same spot. "Mom, my babies, they have to be okay." I managed to drag out. "Baby breath, they'll be fine." I can't. The sadness is unbearable. "Mom, I can't-I can't do this." I grab her shoulders.

All of a sudden I felt being lifted up and laid down. I was moving and I saw lights. I felt the tears make it's way down my cheek as I slowing start to black out. I hate these moments, after I'm done crying, I just lay there emotionless.
                           
      * * *

My eyes flutter open. Is it over? Am I in hell? I look around and see wires. Some are in my arms. I look to my left and see my mom. "Mom?" She lifts her head up and smile. "You're awake baby." She grabs my face. I grab my stomach and still feel my bump. I felt relief wash over me. "Oh thank god, my babies are okay."

My moms face fell. She wiped the tear that was falling from her cheek. "What? My babies are okay right?!" She sat down next to me on the bed. She grabbed my hands and kissed them. "You know you still have a little bump. And your beautiful baby girl she's in there." She stopped and began quietly sobbing. "Okay. And what about my little boy?"

She didn't say anything. She just kept looking down. "What about my little baby boy?!" She took a deep breath and looked up at me. "That's the reason you were bleeding baby. He's gone." He's gone. The moments those words left her mouth they kept replaying in my head. He's gone, he's gone, and he's gone. They say to destroy what destroys you, but what if, what's destroying you, is you.
                            
      * * *

I've never been so confused with life, with myself, with anything. It's like I'm in a fucking battlefield but the only thing I can fight is myself. Why is it that life hates you so much that in it never gives you what you deserve? It always brings you down. It's like you were put on this earth only to be destroyed.

There's empty cartons of ice cream as well as tissue boxes on the floor. The lights are all turned off. I haven't showered in days. I probably smell like tears and rotten milk. 'Say something' is playing. What a sad song am I right? Only reason I playing it, for the sadness. I hear my door open and the lights turn on. I lift the blanket over my head and try to block out whoever is there.

"Bethany? Bethany c'mon get up." I recognize that voice anywhere. She's always been my knight in shining armor. But not today, nothing can save me from this. "Go away, Holly." She sighed and sat next me. "Bethany you smell like sadness. And trust me it's not the best smell." I groaned and got into the fetus position. "Fine." She mumbled. She pulled the blanket off my body. I looked up at her. Bitch.