Where the Stars Fall

28 | Can I kiss you?

"SO, YOU REALLY SNAPPED back together? That's brilliant, man!" Jimmy says giving me a back-smacking hug. "Now, you little shit, don't go breaking her heart. Or I'll have to break your legs."

"Sod off," I tell him good-humouredly.

"You two are fucking hilarious!" Mark, my brother-in-law, cracks a loud laugh. "Just wait until they start busting your balls over stuff you don't even know about. Then come to me again and we can continue this little chat," he advises, as he drops another half dozen burgers on the grill.

"JOSH MCREARY! I saw that and I don't want to see it again. MARK, look at your son!" Sue shouts hysterically, holding one of the twins on her hip while pushing Emma on the swing.

The weather's lightened up a bit and the kids are outside too, playing football in the back garden. We all turn our heads towards Josh and through the corner of my eye I catch him showing the middle finger to some other kid.

Mark rolls his eyes and breathes out an exasperated sigh. "See? That's what I have to put up with: some batshit crazy hormones or whatever got into her today! Only God knows."

"What the hell happened, mate?" I ask.

"You ask me? Someone gave her a free pass to freak out today or something! All I know is she woke up this morning and decided it was a great day to play the drama queen part and drive me bonkers, that's what happened. She's been whining, pestering and nagging everyone for every reason and for no reason at all.

"So, here it is: your future. Contemplate it now, you bunch of morons!" He clinks his beer to ours and takes a sip.

"Bugger off! I bet you started some fight thinking about the amazing make-up sex you'll be having tonight," Jimmy says, shoving a hand into his pocket with a mocking grin on his face.

Yeah, it's hilarious indeed. Everyone knows they can't stay pissed off at each other for more than a day.

Mark keeps quiet for a little while, flipping the burgers furiously and sipping his beer. "Oh, sod it! Remember Beth, that girlfriend I had like a hundred years ago? We met her today, at the supermarket. I was just being polite and said 'Hi, there. How are you? Nice to see you' and that was it. The bloody thing led to a teensy little argument in the car and then to near Armageddon when we got home. 'Why do you have to be friends if you don't have feelings for her anymore?' she kept asking. No joke. Friends? For goodness sake, we're not friends! And even if we were, why do women have to complicate what's not complicated at all?"

Okay, he needs to vent now. Jimmy was just telling us about their honeymoon, the great places they'd visited and the cool stuff they did together. But Mark is apparently way over that phase now. Then again, ten years, four kids and twenty pounds later it should be expected, I guess.

"They say it is, but it's not: ignorance is not bliss!" Mark continues. "I might as well tell you the truth: I'm sorry, but you're all setting yourselves up for disaster! Just wait until they start to throw your stuff away. And whining because your mother doesn't like them. And turning into miss bossy pants and annoying the hell out of you. And trying to change you and make you watch a bunch of schmaltzy, tear-jerking films or, even worse, drag you to look for table-fucking-cloths!" He finishes his beer and then turns to point the barbecue fork right under my nose. "And you, my little twerp, wait until she begins to ask you for your official score sheet. That's when all hell will break loose!"

Laughing, I hold up my hands in surrender.

Jimmy lets out a loud laugh too.

Mark shifts the fork in his direction. "What's so fucking funny? I'll bet you fifty quid, shit will hit your fan first!"