Where the Stars Fall

33 | In a heartbeat

"I HATE YOU!"

"And you've figured that out when? In the lift, between the second and third floors? Have you gone mad?" I ask her as I nervously unwind her scarf and throw it on the sofa.

Olivia snatches it back up. "Damn you, Brian! How could you do this to me?"

"Sweetheart, talk to me. What happened? Why are you crying? Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm so done with all this, I'm so stupid! I don't know why I thought it'd be different this time." She raises her hand to her mouth as if to suppress a cry.

I grab her wrists and pull them to my chest. "What are you talking about?"

"You're hurting me!" She tries to free herself.

I let her go immediately and hold her head between my hands. "Olivia. Please. Don't do it again, don't leave me hanging."

She heads towards the door, but I block her, a feeling of absolute anguish taking hold of me.

"No, you go nowhere! You're going to talk to me and tell me exactly why we were having such a great time just a little while ago and now... What have I done to cause all this, what did I do?"

She studies me for a moment, a sheen of tears sparkling in her eyes. "Again, who's a woman named Josephine?"

God, no.

My head falls back against the door and I take a deep breath to let it sink in and carefully consider my words.

I let my eyelids flutter shut. There's a tumult of regret and pain coursing through me right now and I don't quite know how to deal with it. The thought of losing her is just too disturbing, it almost suffocates me, my lungs are burning, and I can't breathe.

I take her hand, linking our fingers, my eyes never leaving hers. "It's not what you're thinking, Olivia."

"Brian, do you know how many times I've heard that stupid line before?" There's hurt mixed with profound disappointment in her eyes. "How can you be fooling the two of us and not feel bad about it? You're all the same, aren't you?"

"No, we're not all the same! And you should leave the past where it belongs – in the past. I'm not that ex-boyfriend of yours and I'm certainly not playing games with anyone. The only mistake I've made here was not telling you that she was someone I... I used to hang out and have a few drinks with." I tilt her chin up, forcing her to raise her eyes to mine. "Before we met again. I freaked out, I don't know. But I regretted it immediately. I'm sorry."

"A few drinks? You've got such a nerve!" Shaking her head, she gives me a scornful glare. "You've been seeing her for months now, since my granddad's funeral. She said you two met on that flight to New York." She hesitates a moment and then blurts out, "It's disgusting, really. I hate you!"

I hold her hand. "No, you don't. And what the hell happened downstairs?"

She brushes mine off. "Let me go now."

"Please. You're not being reasonable."

A sad, hollow laugh escapes her lips. "Well if you run you may still catch her. And maybe she's more understanding and reasonable than I am and doesn't mind taking you back. Because I don't know if I–"

"I can't believe that lunatic had the nerve to come here again." I run my hands through my hair, incredulous.

"She almost ran me over, for Christ's sake! She yelled at me like a crazy psycho, wanting to know if I'm the bitch her man's been shagging!" Olivia presses her hand to her mouth, trying to stop herself from crying. "You know what else she said? That I could have you but shouldn't set my hopes too high. I'm just your new toy and you'll get tired of me really soon." Olivia swipes tears from her cheeks. "You've been cheating on her? And I'm the other? God, imagine that!"

"Liv, listen to me." I grab her by the arm, but she struggles.

"Look at me, goddammit!" I raise my voice and pin her under my gaze. "Did you see me with anyone else at Jimmy's wedding? Who spent that night with me? Who did I run after one week later? Who do I take home to be with my family? Who am I making plans to spend Christmas with? Who do you think is on my mind every waking minute of the day? Who do you think I'd choose over everything in life?

"The answer is always the same. You! I'd choose you in a heartbeat, and it hurts that you don't trust me, that you don't believe me when I tell you I have absolutely nothing with that woman. Never had. It's not my fault she's having some problems accepting that."

"Maybe because you broke her heart very badly?"

"What?" I throw my arms in the air, desperate. "We were just friends, I never promised her anything."

"Sure. It's just biologically ingrained in you, to bonk around, but never take responsibility, right? After all, you're a guy and we should understand it's in your nature." Her words are tinged with forced irony.

"Do you even listen to anything I say? I never slept with her, you have to believe me! God, woman, you're so exasperating sometimes!"

"Don't call me woman!"

"And no! Not every guy is like that. And you're the only woman I want to be with."

"Damn you, Brian! Even if she's crazy or hallucinating, that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me. You told me she was someone from work! Why would you do that?"

"I did, and that was stupid. I apologise... Her behaviour was completely out of line, I'm sorry. Tomorrow I will talk to her; I need to make sure this won't happen again."

"It doesn't matter anymore, just let me go now."

"Olivia. Please."

"I'm sorry. I can't be with you right now."

"Hold on just a second, I'll be right back."

I rush back inside, resolutely put on my shirt and get my jacket. Then I return to the doorway, to find her wiping her teary, bloodshot eyes, looking so frightened and vulnerable. I grab the car keys and come closer, to rest my eyes on her and stroke her face. One last time.

"It's too late for you to be out there, please don't go. Stay here, think about what I've just told you and do whatever you feel is the right thing in the morning. I'll go. I'll be at my parents' if you need me."

I leave and the moment I cross the threshold and the door closes behind me, it feels like someone has ripped my heart straight out of my chest and tore it to shreds.

I could scream at the hurt, which is so overwhelming, much greater and more painful than anything I've ever felt before. It burns immensely, and I almost hate her for hurting me this much. Or maybe I hate myself for loving her this way. 

***

Hey there! Sorry it took me a little longer to update WSF , but last week was one of THOSE weeks! Lots and lots of things going on.

Hope you've enjoyed this update. Posting another couple of chapters right away -) 

xo, Ana