Where the Stars Fall

12 | Moving mountains

I STRAIGHTEN MY BACK and cross my legs at the ankles to make myself more comfortable on the L-shaped sofa. Olivia is staring at the ceiling in a seemingly absent-minded way, moving the ring on her middle finger back and forth, playing with it. She's trying to bring some order to her thoughts, I believe, so we remain silent for a little while, just listening to some music.

"What is it that's troubling you? Why don't you get it off your chest?" I eventually ask. Stroking her hair with one hand, I open the CD with the other to reread the short note written on a mistletoe-shaped sticker on the inside.

'Happy Birthday! And... Merry Christmas! I'm staying here for a couple more days. Call me. Liv xoxo'

I give an inward chuckle. Seriously, parents who don't plan properly and risk having their kids born on Christmas Eve should be sued for moral damages. It really ground my gears when people did this: acting as if killing two birds with one stone was okay for a kid.

But with Olivia it's a different story; obviously, that's not the real reason why I never called her back. I didn't because I wasn't yet over her, that's the truth.

Olivia doesn't reply immediately, instead, she looks up with a serious and pensive expression on her face.

"Olivia?"

"Oh Brian, look at you. You're probably the last guy on earth who would understand what I'm going through."

"Why don't you try me?"

"Can you tell me why apparently all men think marriage is for suckers?" She reaches for a pillow, which she puts on my lap and fluffs a bit before she rests her head down again.

When she turns on her side and wraps her arms around herself, I pull a blanket off the back of the sofa. "Let's cover up all this hotness. I really don't want to look at it. I feel like a poor kid whose candy has been stolen."

She responds with a playful eye-roll and snuggles into the fleece covering.

"All comfy in there?" I adjust the blanket around her shoulders. "I'm almost jealous of the damn thing." I try to act in a light-hearted manner, pretending I'm not affected as much as I actually am.

"Don't be silly!"

"It's not all of us, Liv. I'm the only one who hasn't taken the plunge, everyone else has. And as far as I know, none of them had a gun pointed at their head."

She turns around again and flashes me an inquisitive look. "How come you don't want to meet someone who makes you feel she's the one? That your life would be so much better if she were part of it?"

I know that feeling. Too damn well.

A long time ago, Olivia was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, and the last thing when I fell asleep. She was my entire world, for her I would have moved mountains.

I was just a kid, but at the time I took it very seriously and felt totally devastated when she put an end to it. I felt my world had collapsed. And I continued to feel like that during the following two years, or maybe more, I don't recall anymore. It was probably during that time that I started to develop my selective memory skills.

"Because the idea of spending your life with the same person up until the day you kick the bucket is frightening as hell?" I ask, playfully, and then reach for her hand to lace my fingers with hers. "It's not a question of wanting it or not. I've been focused on other things."

"But why? Why couldn't I make that prick commit? First, he had gotten out of a bad relationship, then it was bad timing, then he was not ready, not in the right place yet..."