Until now, Dinadala ko ang nakakahiyang bagay na ginawa ko last year, and until now i can't imagine na nagawa ko yun para lang sa kanya.
My Gosh! And now i Entered to my Classroom, last year my section is section 6 now my section is 9.
What a big Jump for me.
And now mahihirapan ako sa kanila, because i don't know their names, I Don't know their ugali.
The day past and marami narin ako naging friends, marami narin akong nakakakulitan.
But my feelings for ethan is not change, mas lalo ko pa siyang minahal, na-aadik na talaga ako sa kanya, at saakin wala akong pinagsisisihan sa lahat minahal ko siya, napunta ako sa mababang section dahil sakanya, pero wala akong sinisisi.
Pero lahat pala yun magbabago, palagi nalang akong umiiyak nun dahil madami ako nababalitaan na may nililigawan na daw siya.
Ang sakit, sobrang sakit, palaging ang sikip sikip ng dibdib ko yung hindi na ako makahinga.
Tapos One day nag stalk ako sa Profile niya sa FB, actually lagi ko namang tinitignan yung profile niya, nang mabasa ko ang mga post niya parang nalaglagan ako ng bato sa ulo.
Ganito ang sinabi niya: " Sana mapansin mo rin ako." "Sana mahalin mo rin ako Realyn."
Ang sakit ng mabasa ko yan, halos tumutulo na ang luha ko at nanginginig na ako sa inis, at sa sakit nanararamdaman ko, Halos hindi ko maigalaw ang Mouse sa sobrang nginig ng kamay ko.
Ginawa ko ang lahat, pero iba parin ang minahal niya, Iba pa rin ang nagustuhan niya.
Yung babaeng yun ba mas karapatdapat kaysa saakin, dahil ba maganda siya at panget ako kaya di niya ako nagustuhan? Lahat ng yan nasa isip ko lang pero gusto kong sabihin sa kanya yan ng harapan pero di ko magawa.
Di ko magawang sigawan siya.
Before i am always happy everyday i want to school because he's my happiness.
I Want to see him Everyday.
But now i don't know if i'm going to be happy if i see him.
I Want to hurt him, I Want to blame him, i want to forget him right now, I want to move-on.
I Sacrifice all just for him, but i think that's not enought for him.
That day and night i cried a lot until i fall asleep.
The next Morning i wake up but this time i'm not happy, or excited to go to school after what happen last day i don't think if i'm going to smile again as i've said he's my happiness, I Can't imagine myself now without him, not thinking about what his doing every minute or what.
I Told to Ella what happend to me last day and what i saw.
Ella is my bestfriend here in this room, she's a former classmate of my sister, so i know her.
Actually Ella is only my friend here in our room.
And i considered her more that my bestfriend.
She comfort me and she suggest one thing that make my mind thing.
She Said: "I Think you need to forget him, he have a girl, and i think he really loved that girl, tignan mo nalang pinost niya halos sa buong mundo ang pagmamahal niya sa babaeng yun. You need to forget him Nella, or else masasaktan ka alng, Look at you self now you're crying because of him."
Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya, tama nga, She's right i need to forget Ethan for my own good.
Hanggang sa bahay iniisip ko yan, actually nakapagdecide na ako at ang desisyon ko is to forget him but i don't know how to start, and i think i can't do that beacuse i loved him but i also said i want to forget him.
So i tried to forget him.
But i think it's not working, when Ella's asking if i forgot Ethan i always saying that " Yes i forgot about Ethan." but it's lie, i'm pretending that i have no feelings to him but the thrut is i have.
The day past until now nag-kukunyari parin ako na hindi na siya mahal, nahihirapan ako ng ganto.
I Can't express my own feelings, kasi nagkukunyari ako, ayokong naaawa saakin si Ella, kaya i'm pretending that i'm a strong woman but it's not. Kahit ang sakit ng ginawa niya saakin hindi ko magawang pigilan ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya, kaya ko siyang patawarin.
Ang tanga ko ba? Ewan ko rin ba, pero nung time na yan mahal ko talaga siya.
Hindi ko kayang i let go siya ng ganun ganun lang.
Hanggang sa graduation na and nagpaganda talaga ako para kahit papaano mapansin ako ni Ethan, pero as always, he did not see how beautiful i am in that day.
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