Emerging Swan

Chapter 7 - Dark Side

Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Dark Side ~ Kelly Clarkson

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A/N

Alright folks. This is the last BPOV, and then we'll have some of Edward's words! Unfortunately, some of the things Bella mentions at the start of this chapter are perfectly true. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I've ever been through what she has - I haven't - but I have watched someone else go through it. This is taken from their experiences and the things they have cried about.

Enjoy this one.

Lucy xX

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Bella (Swan), 2020

Events: 2014

There are too many things to count that people don't tell you about what happens in your mind after rape. It's common knowledge that it's hard, it's traumatic, being physically close to someone is hard, and it leaves emotional scars. At least, you're led to believe that it's common knowledge.

Nobody tells you that when you first appreciate something a guy does for you afterwards, or that when you first have a crush on a guy after being raped, you'll feel guilty. I mean, aren't guys evil and horrible and vile and despicable? And wasn't it a guy that ruined your life? Nobody tells you that you'll want to think the worst about guys, and that you'll feel sick to the stomach if you think a guy attractive.

Nobody tells you that immature guys will refer to your rape as 'baggage' when they break things off. Nobody tells you that those same men are the ones that will call you a tease when you draw the line at kissing, even though you yourself are proud of that small achievement when you get a part of yourself back.

Nobody tells you that people gossip behind your back in a small town, and that people think you're some kind of invalid. Nobody tells you that everybody thinks you're no longer whole, and that people are not only afraid of having a friendship with you, but also afraid of your mental stability. Nobody tells you how patronising those people are, and that those are the people that say 'it's okay, I understand' when it really and truly isn't okay, and they can't possibly understand.

And, unfortunately, nobody tells you that there are men out there that don't do all those things. They don't tell you that when you tell some men, they'll sit there and hold your hand and look shocked and teary and horrified and angry all at the same time because they can't believe someone would be capable of hurting you in that way. They don't tell you that there are men that rub your back when you draw the line at kissing, and tell you how proud they are.

They don't tell you that some men are capable of loving you even when you're still completely broken.

I hadn't pegged Edward Cullen as someone to care. Not one to really, truly care. I'd almost pegged him as without a heart - I say almost, because it was so clear he did care about things (like his sister) but hid behind his cold exterior and pretended he didn't. I hadn't pegged Mr Rochester as someone that could ever show any form of emotion without trying to run.