I'm Not Ten Years Old, I'm Fourteen, You Dingus

Chapter Eight: Insomnia

-- Rayna --

I woke up in the middle of the night. It was dark and scary. But I needed some toast before I could fall asleep again, so I got up and headed to the kitchen. Sitting there, staring out the window, was Violet. A steaming mug of tea sat in her hands, and a finished copy of 'Underground to Canada' was on the table. It was rather obvious she'd been awake for quite some time.

"What are you doing up? Go to sleep." I told her. Not even turning her head, she replied. "I should." "But you aren't." "Exactly." "You should go to bed. God knows you need it." "I don't sleep." "Why?" My one-word question left a loud, deafening silence build up. "I just don't." Her voice slightly wavered while she said it. At any point now, she might possibly burst into tears. "Why?" I asked again.

"I-I just can't. I can't sleep." She choked out in between bouts of silent tears. Violet had always been like this. Trying to be strong, almost never admitting defeat, never crying. Hit her soft spot correctly, and you could unleash a bout of unexpected tears. "Why?" I asked again, pressing for answers.

"I'm scared that if I go to sleep.." She began, pausing to wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. "I'm scared that if I go to sleep, I won't wake up." She blurted out quickly between a pause in crying. Violet was scared of dying in her sleep. I guess I would, too. They had been told that they could die from the cancer they had. You can die of polio, too, which is what they also had.

"You're insomniac... Because you might die?" "It's possible. Nothing is impossible. I might just up and die during when I sleep. Who knows?"

By now my toast had long been toasted. So I coated it with jam, and plunked down at the table. Neither of us talked; we didn't need to. What was talked about was in the past, no need to discuss it now. After a long ten minutes, I headed off, brushed my teeth again, and went to bed. Sleep was what I needed to escape from our discussion.