In the mind of a girl (Diary) #Wattys2016

My first time

OK, I'm diving into the deep end with my first installment. And as you can see by the title, its an intimate one. If your not into this sort of thing, or your unsure of graphic material, click off now...Is that done? Warning over. I'll carry on. 

Losing my virginity had always been a big deal for me. Not something I wanted to just lose to any guy, call me old fashioned. But when high school passed (Age 16) then a year and a half of college, I thought becoming a lesbian was the only option. I wasn't the popular, makeup, look amazing get all the guys attention kind of girl. That's awesome if you are! It just wasn't me. 

Description of me - I'm a short, petite brunette with massive glasses and average features. Green eyes, thin lips and pale skin.  Fashion, I don't have one. My family describes it as quirky (So strange beyond all reason) Anything Marvel and DC, I'm all over it. Converse, Skinny jeans and a leather jacket are my go to clothing choices. Can't stand high heels. I'm not flirty, I'm awkward and constantly cracking jokes and being sarcastic. Not exactly a turn on.

Anyway back to the story...

As soon as I started college, a guy caught my eye. He was on my course and really popular. Lets call him Ethan. Everything I looked for in a guy attractive wise. Tall, Dark hair, blue eyes, broad shoulders and an amazing smile. I knew he was out of my league, so I admired from afar. This wasn't a cliche  movie after all.

Something changed at a friends party and we ended up talking all night, and eventually traded numbers. we texted back and forth, flirting, getting to know each other. We had allot in common. And so the little crush grew into full blown liking the guy. He was the perfect match to me. But as always, there was  a catch. Ethan was not looking for a relationship because he was going to university in two years and didn't want to get attached. So for a year and a half against my better wishes, we kept texting and talking and flirting and getting to know each other. The crush once more grew into love from both sides. Me and him. A year and a half of on brings us to March 25th. 

We discussed our sexual experiences in detail. I was honest from the beginning. No sexual experience, I was a stone cold virgin. He on the other hand, for  the sake of his reputation lied in the beginning and told me he slept with a few girls. A few months later he came clean and told me honestly. He was a virgin too. I was so relieved! Don't get me wrong experience is great and sexy. But as a nun practically, you don't want the fear of competing with someone else. Of them thinking "God this girls a 2. The last girl I was fucking was a 10 easy."                                                                                                                                               And nobody want's to worry about catching something. Dip your wick as many times as you like, just wrap it first (Life tip). And then theirs the being laughed at for not looking a certain way (I aint no Victoria secrets model. Did I mention I was 5,2) or doing something wrong. The list is endless. We talked every detail through and came to the conclusion we would lose it to each-other on a Friday night at my house, when my parents were away. Don't want anybody walking in on you and scaring them for life. 

Recap - I was 18, Ethan was 19. Late bloomers. We were not in  relationship but we both were attracted to each-other and trusted one another and felt ready. All important things to consider before diving in so to speak. Think of it as a check list...

*Being ready.                                                                                                                                                                                     *Trusting each-other                                                                                                                                                                       * Discussing things in great detail                                                                                                                                             * No pressure, No fear - You can back out at any time.                                                                                                   * Some form of love towards each other. Be it friends, partners or lovers. 

Back to the story...When the day came around. I was soooooooooooooo nervous. Constant butterflies, feeling a tad sick. That's normal. Fear of the unknown. Normal. I shaved and cleaned everywhere. I mean everywhere. So self contiouse of a stray hair or a bad smell. Normal. And it doesn't matter because he was just as nervous as me.

When the night came around  we took a taxi back to mine. I was so nervous, I almost told the taxi driver the wrong directions. So embarrassing. We finally made it mine and we got right into it straight away. Kissing first. It felt strange at first. Constantly questioning if what your doing is right. It is, don't worry.  Whilst we were kissing, we were talking. It calmed us both. We went upstairs and took of our clothes. At this point I just wanted to jump under the sheets and hide my body. It's one of the most awkwardest  moments of my life. And seeing a naked male body for the first time is a weird one too. Your excited by it and turned on, but also a bit shocked and feeling weird. Normal. It's was a very surreal experience for me. You wanted it to happen for so long, that you cant believe its happening. Weird. And when his member grows you immediately think 'That isn't going to fit'. It does, don't worry. 

He used his fingers first. Just one, but that hurt. Not an agonizing pain, but an uncomfortable one. Manageable. We then awkwardly put on the condom (Protection always) I was on the pill as well (Two is always better than one, trust me) Then we went for it. I was on the bottom. I don't recommend being on the top, but whatever is comfortable to you works best. It took a while to go in, but like I said it does. And I'm not going to lie, it hurt like a bitch. A burning, stinging sensation. Pushing a piece of play dough into a key hole (Yikes) that's what it felt like. Obviously, we had to stop a few times. Comfort is key. And I don't think it lasted long (Didn't have a timer) but it felt like it. It felt good, but it hurt at the same time. It takes a while for your body to adjust. No I didn't orgasm, too much on my mind. Allot of nerves. He did, I think most guys do. I preferred it that way.

After it was all done, we laid together and talked and put on a film. Just was ourselves. No pressure, just calm and happy. And that is how you should feel. Anything else is wrong. We went to sleep and the day after, we kissed and he went home. I was so sore afterwards so a bath was much needed. We texted all day and its not the end of the Ethan story. That's for another installment.

If there was anything I took away from that experience, was it's OK to feel nervous and awkward. It's a common emotion. And something to  give to others is to relax and make sure your ready. There is no exact time or age. Don't let anyone peer pressure you. That's not right. So...Here it is my first time story! It might not be great! It might be a bit boring! But it's real, and there are no lies. And there was nobody else I wanted to share my first time with.  I loved Ethan, still do, but unfortunately not every real life story has a happy ending.

HERE IT IS!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT LET ME KNOW!!! SORRY IF IT'S BORING, IT'S VERY PERSONAL FOR ME!!! PLEASE LIKE, COMMENT AND MESSAGE ME WITH ANY COMMENTS OR STORIES!!! THANK YOU FOR EVEN READING IT!!! MEANS ALLOT XXXXXXXXXXXXX