Dear You

More to Dear Jerk

Dear Jerk,

Hello again. So what did happen to us? I think I might know. I think it was Her.

Me and Her, we were your two favorites, I think. I'd never met Her, and I still haven't properly. You'd never seen us in the same room together, so you never had to make a choice between us. Lucky you.

She didn't go to our school, but she went to your games. You never saw me perform, but you saw Her. I don't begrudge you any of this. I just wish it had been different.

We had a formal coming up. Like cotillion, there were dance lessons, and it wasn't limited to just one school. Both Her and I were going (along with yourself of course), and you would finally have your chance to pick.

I missed the first dance class. She missed the second. Your choice was prolonged.

I remember once when the teacher told the young men to ask a lady to dance. That second class, you chose me. My friend was hugging me and you walked over.

"Ahem."

"What?" she asked. You gestured with your hand for her to move. Her eyes widened as she looked at me and stepped away.

"May I have this dance?" you asked, stretching out your hand.

"You may," I replied, taking it as I tried to hide my smile. You were such a gentleman.

The world seemed almost to melt away. It only lasted a dance, of course, but it was like magic. I wish that feeling could have lasted longer.

I think maybe things first started to go wrong when my friend asked me if I liked you. She pulled me aside in a hallway, but everyone could still hear us. I told her no. I guess it's because I thought everyone already knew anyways, but I wasn't going to affirm it. I thought it would be embarrassing to confirm something like that, and that it wouldn't end well. 

God, I wish I had said yes. You know those moments that you desperately wish you could rewrite? That was one of them. I think she told you.

At the next dance class, you asked Her to dance, not me. You stopped racing me to history. You switched seats, so I now sat alone at our desk. We stopped joking, and you stopped bringing oranges to school.

I'll tell you right now, it was  the worst feeling in the world seeing you pull away like that. Watching as you slowly, painfully, retracted out of my life. That was awful.

I didn't really see you over summer, but She did. You started seeing each other, although it didn't become official until October, at homecoming. She was your date. You looked at her in a way you had never looked at me. You two seemed happy. And that hurt.

Wishing I was yours, -Me