The Perks of Being a Lesbian (Camren)

Chapter 23

A/N: Random update is random!

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There are many things I miss about my childhood, but most of those things were moments I had with my mothers. They were always taking me on adventures, always encouraging a part of me that I haven't been able to enjoy for a long time. That creativity and zest for life and it's twists and turns.

You see, when we grow old, we begin to lose our functionality and spirit and many old folks just give into it. Some even become bitter. On the contrary, I fought my best against the aging process, attempting to play piano despite my arthritis and writing until my wrists became locked and unable to move anymore. I'd go on hikes and get tired long before I finished, stopping more times than I could count to catch my breath. But it wasn't because of hatred for being old or a longing for lost youth. No, I was just afraid.

Fear has long been something I struggle with simply because I never learned how to deal with it properly. And I believe that many of us are deprived of this lesson, because being afraid never seems like an issue worth putting stock into. Rather than address fear itself, we address the person who is feeling it. Like the fear is our fault. However, after a long fight with my fear, I've learned that fear is its own thing entirely. Fear can be a pesky and annoying voice in your head that resorts to picking at every idea that could possibly help you enjoy yourself or progress in life. My fear was keeping me from properly settling into the change that comes with old age.

The thing about fear though is that we often let it control us when it should never have that sort of position. Fear can be helpful in cases where it's actually necessary, but letting anxiety rule your life is never a healthy option, because this life is a journey and letting fear guide you through will leave you standing still in the middle of the road with no "safe" direction to head in.

Why is this? Because fear is one cog in the life machine. It has a purpose, but it is not the operator.

Often I would find myself lying in bed at night, terrified of what my life had become and all of the hardships that came with age. I let fear tell me that I was not myself when I looked in the mirror. I let fear keep me from pursuing friendships just because the person I'd acquainted myself with was old and "probably" close to withering away and then I would feel lonely. I let fear tell me that after my husband died I would have no one and nothing to live for anymore. I let fear tell me that I hadn't accomplished enough and if I didn't figure out how to put my stamp on the world, I would die without a legacy to leave behind.

However, being afraid all of the time was absolutely annoying and tiring. Being afraid was wasting my time. So once I was able to figure out the role fear was supposed to play in my life, I decided to take away its authority. And as soon as I did, it was like the fog had cleared. Nothing seemed as dim and grim as before. This proved to me the truth.

So let your fear do it's thing, but remember that you are in control of your life. If you let fear take the lead, you won't be living. You'll just be watching your life go by and that's not how this amazing journey is meant to be experienced.

~

Lauren sat comfortably in the back seat of Ally's car as she, Ally, Normani, and Camila all headed to school. Dinah was once again absent, still not well enough to get back to school life. However, according to Normani, she was doing just fine at her house.

But Normani didn't seem all that happy about it. In fact, she'd been ranting about it for a while now, her obvious unrest clashing harshly with the feel-good Justin Timberlake that Ally had playing in the background.