Broke Rule #12?~Tiva

Chapter two

Tony's POV

Why is she here? How is she here?
Since I left on that plane I have dreamed for this day, but as it's came all I can feel is sadness and.... And anger.
"Why are you here?" I say stealing her line, she always says that to me
"Tony, I"
"Why are you here, how, what, why, I" I sigh "You, you've caused me so pain Ziva, I was just starting to sleep, to move on, you can't just turn up, waltz into my apartment!"
Ziva was crying, even I had tears in my eyes
DiNozzo men don't cry I remind myself but that doesn't seem to work because a tear drops down my face
"I know. I know. I know it's bad of me, I know you probably won't forgive me, I know I hurt you, I know, but that doesn't mean I don't care"
"You told me you wanted to move on, is this" I gesture around us "moving on? Coming to my apartment? Just turning up like Israel never happened? Like nothing ever happened"
She steps towards me I step back
"No Ziva, don't do this to me!"
"I should not have come" now this makes me flip
"Oh right so you leave me, you then come back and decide your just gonna leave again, stab me in the heart again! No Ziva you don't get to do that! Sit and talk, now!" I'm shouting at this point
She walks over the the sofa, I pace back and forth
"Why did you come back?" I ask
"I, I, I came back because I missed you, I haven't slept either, 7 months 2 weeks and 3 days. I didn't think I just got the next plane to DC, as soon as I stepped off the plane I regretted coming, I thought to myself, all you do is hurt people, and I hurt you, your the last person I ever wanted to hurt, but it was too late now I was in DC I came to your apartment and knocked on the door, you were at work. I picked the lock and came in just 10 minutes before you arrived. I was actually about to leave when you appeared." She's sighs "Tony, I understand if you don't and I understand I'm about to ask you something very big, and I don't really have the right to say this but... Please forgive me"
"Forgive you? For what? For leaving me? For coming back? For hurting me? For your false promises?"
"For everything"
"Wow that's a big ask Ziva, your right, you don't have the right to ask me that after everything." I whisper the next bit hoping she won't hear "your lucky I'm a forgiving person"
"Does that mean your going to forgive me?" She asks
"I, I didn't say that"
"Does it?"
"I don't know"
I have calmed down now
"Oh Ziva come here!" I say tears still streamed down my face
She walks over to me and slips into my arms
"I've missed you, I've missed you so much" I whisper into her hair
"I've missed you too Tony, I have realised I cannot live without you!"
We stand like that for ages, until I break apart
"What about the team? What are you going to do? I'm an easy happy person but what about Abby, Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, Palmer, the director?"
"I do not know, I do not know what to do or say!"
"It'll be okay Ziva but Gibbs and Abby will be hard" I say
"I feel so bad, Gibbs he already lost Kelly how could I do this too him, he's like a father to me, and Abby oh Abby, she's like a sister to me. Oh McGee he's like a brother to me and Ducky, Grandfather I never had. Palmer is like a cousin"
"What about me? What am I like to you Ziva"
She blinks and looks up to me
"I do not know, before all... This, I would have said brother but now, I feel brother isn't enough. I don't know"
I know what I want her to say but I know she won't say it
But I don't know if I can handle that anymore after all she kissed me then left me. What am I supposed to do?
"What do you mean brother isn't enough?" I ask stepping closer to her
Her face turns Crimson and she breaks our gaze to look at the floor
"You know what I mean, I mean after the airport.. Well how about I put it like this, I wouldn't kiss a brother like that!" She says not looking at me
I don't say anything. I can't do this.
I walk away to the sofa and sit down
"Ziva..." I start
"No no I understand I wasn't expecting you to sweep me off my feet, I was just, telling the truth I suppose"
"You suppose?"
"I don't suppose. I know."
I smile at her, it's a sad smile, a hurt smile, but it's a smile
"If you had said that to me before all of this, whatever this is, I would have been very... Happy. But now? I'm just not sure how I feel, how I want to feel. My head and my heart are all messed up at the moment"
"I know Tony and I didn't expect anything else." She smiles, it's a genuine smile
"Thank you"
"Do not thank me, Tony. It is I whom should be thanking you"
"For what?" I ask confused
"For everything. For forgiving me. I know it was and is not easy"
"Soooo are you staying the night?" I ask hopefully
"I have no where else to stay"
"Okay, well I'll take the couch"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes Ziva"
"Okay, I have a problem..."
"What?"
"I don't have any clothes or anything"
"Well I have the day off tomorrow we can go shopping or something, whatever you want"
"Thank you Tony"
"For now you can borrow one of my t-shirts if that's okay with you"
"Thanks again Tony" and with that she goes into my bedroom and shuts the door

Zivas POV

I take one of Tony's old T-Shirts and get changed, then I jump into Tony's bed, it smells like him
Okay that's creepy Ziva shut up
I decide I cannot sleep after about 2 hours so I get up and sneak through to the kitchen for a glass of water
"Can't sleep?" Tony asks scaring me and I spill the water everywhere
"Oh my I'm so sorry I'll clean it up"
"No Ziva it's only water geez"
I stop and sigh
"I'm such a mess"
"I know the feeling" DiNozzo replies
"Hey come here" he says
I walk over to the couch
"It'll all be okay in the end, everything will be fine. You just need to relax, I'm not annoyed at you so please can we go back to normal, I mean not exactly how it was before cause I'm not sure it will be like that again but stop tip toeing around me. Okay?"
"Okay." I reply
And then suddenly I'm crying and I don't even know why
"Hey, hey it's okay" Tony sits beside me on the floor and sits me on his lap, rocking back and forth like I'm a baby
"Shhhh, shhh, it's okay Ziva, what's wrong? It's okay, shh, I'm here"
"You, you said it may never be like it was before. I've messed up big time"
"No shhh it's okay! I just meant, I don't know what I meant but I'm sure we'll get there. Don't cry over it, it's fine"
I whisper as low as I can "I love you"
But even though I said it quietly Tony must of heard because he stops rocking suddenly
"I, I... Did you hear that?" I ask
Tony pulls me towards him into a hug
"Yes," he replies "and I know"
"You know?"
"I know." He confirms
Then I realise he will never feel the same way about me and a new flood of tears arrive
I never cry, why am I crying?
"I'm sorry I'm being so weak"
"No Ziva you're not, your being kind, your being.. Loving, and I respect that"
"And Ziva?"
"Yes?"
"Don't ever call yourself weak again, okay?"
I nod
He pulls me back towards him
"I don't deserve this Tony"
"Don't deserve what?" He asks
"This, you, you forgiving me, you hugging me, you comforting me, you not being angry at me, just you"
"Yes you do, you deserve even more"
"How can you say that? I left you, I was a right idiot. How can you be so... Caring, kind, lovely"
"Because Ziva, you deserve it, you deserve everything"
"I don't"
"You do" he says and presses his fingers to my mouth "don't deny it again"
"I don't think I will be able to sleep"
"Either" Tony agrees "what if.."
He doesnt finish
"What if what?" I ask
"What if I came and slept next to you, we might be able to somehow fall asleep"
"Tony don't feel pressurised into that! I'm fine"
"I'm a DiNozzo, I don't get pressurised by girls, not even beautiful ninja ones"
Beautiful...
"Well if your sure..."
"Very"
"Uh, okay" I say unconvinced
We both walk to his bedroom and I sit on the side of the bed... Thinking..
"You okay?" Tony asks from next to me
"Yeah" I say and get into bed shuffling so I'm as far away from him as I can and face the wall opposite from him, I don't want him to feel uncomfortable
"Hey" he says resting his hand on my hip "do I smell or something?"
I laugh "no, no, I just..."
"Just what?"
I turn around so I'm facing him
"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable"
"You sitting further away from me makes me feel more uncomfortable that if you were sitting on top of me for gods sake"
"Are you suggesting I sit on top of you DiNozzo?" I ask smirking
"Ha ha funny" he says "I'm suggesting you move closer to the centre of the bed so you don't fall off"
I shuffle closer to him
"Happy?" I ask
"Nearly.."
"What do you mean, nearly?"
He moves a little closer to me
"There"
We both laugh

And slowly but surely we both drift off into a deep sleep...

________
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