Keeping Up With Satan (parody) - Dedicated to senpai

#Chapter 4#

I eat all the sushis I could while I stare at Frede AKA Dumbledore AKA Iceland (yes, she/he/it is a country) dancing. No; it isn't any dance. She's dancing the Macarena. WITH THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND! AND DAN AND PHIL?!
You might ask yourself: "Who is Dan and Phil?"
And well, they're the cutest couple of the Universe.
Wait, did you say that they weren't a couple?
"I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT WITH MY TEA CUP IF YOU DARE SAY THAT AGAIN", I heard the Queen whispered.
Argh, must have talked to loud again.
Wait, where's Frede?
I notice her petting a map in the corner.
Oh well, that's not new.
I think.
Wait.
HOW THE FUCK DO I KNOW HER??
"I might have brainwashed you while you were eating your sushis little one.", shouted the Queen.
Oh well (Howell, oh well, got it? No? Yes? Oh okay.). Shit happens I guess.

Wait, where did Frede disappeared to again?
"In your butt.", says Voldemort.
(SUSPENSE)
But she wasn't.
Ten minutes later I meet her again French kissing Hong Kong.
Yes.
She's about to fuck a city.
But I just tell her:
"Yo dawg m8 I saw Voldemort not too long ago you want to do something about it?"
She just snorts.
Then a smile appears on her lips.
And i criy, lots. It's beautifulz.
Lik if u criy everytmie

But the smile disappears as suddenly as it appeared.
"He's just looking for Paré", she says.
OMG PLOT TWIST
TOMATOES ARE BLUE!!
Wait.
That wasn't it?
Oh well (Howell... Haha).
"He's J."

OMG
I GOT IT

HAMBURGERS WERE MADE BY PRIESTS AT THE SECOND WORLWIDE WAR.

Nope?
Damn it.

"Voldemort is J."

OH MY
HOLEH MOTHAR OF GAWD
DO YOU MEAN
"Santa isn't real?", I ask with a sad smile.
Frede self-palmed.
"Voldemort equals as Jérémy Dostie!"
I gasp.
THIS IS......

Wait everybody knew that.
I'm Parémy Trash #1 so I already knew that. Duh.  ?!!
?
!!
!OMFG J IS VOLDEMORT !!?

Who the fuck is Jérémy Dostie and Paré?
Oh.
Do you mean?
That J is that guy with a noseless mask on? And Paré is the guy he's holding hands with? Awe!

Wait they're litterally having butt sex. You guys are fast.

But not as fast

as Slenderman! *drum sound similar of "dooloom doloom tssh"*
I receive a slap by Satan. I'M HOLY NOW!!1!!11
"I'M NOT GOD YOU FECKING TURD!", she admits calmly.
Then she goes away to fangirl because she just met Dan and Phil.
WILL LARA STOP BEING DUMB?
NOPE.
BUT WILL PARÉMY GET MARRIED?
WHEN WILL J FINALLY BE TOP?
WILL FREDE MEET HER CANADIAN FRIEND IN THIS FUCKED UP STORY?
WILL SLENDERMAN MAKE AN OTHER APPEARANCE?
THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL KNOW, IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF "KEEPING UP WITH SATA-
Mom jokes:
-Yo Mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
-Yo Mama so fat, they used Google Earth for her school photo.
-Yo Mama so stupid, she tripped a wireless network.
-Yo Mama so ugly, that when she looks in the mirror Bloody Mary goes away.
And my personal favourite:
-Yo Mama so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology from the condom factory.
I will not pay for the injuries.