The Mighty Fall In Love

Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER TWELVE

I wake up to Pete staring at me intently, one arm wrapped tightly around my body, our legs tangled together. I must have flipped over in my sleep, because now we're front to front, our bodies pressed close against one another, our faces merely inches apart.

He smiles as my eyes flutter open, his brown ones gazing into my own.

I return the smile as he says, "Good morning, sunshine," and kisses me softly on my forehead.

"Good morning, babe," I mumble, mind still cloudy from sleep.

Pete's free hand runs through and plays with my hair, twisting it around his fingers. The tour bus continues to drive as we stay muddled together in my small bunk built for one.

"How long have you been up?" I ask, wondering what time it is.

I hear noises coming from the living room, presumably Andy and Joe arguing about something stupid again or playing video games. The small bunkroom isn't too lit, curtains still pulled shut.

"An hour, maybe?" he shrugs.

"You could've gotten up," I joke. "Pushed me out of the bed so you could go get your caffeine fix."

"No, I wasn't gonna wake you up," he smiles. "I like watching you sleep."

"Who are you, Edward Cullen?" I tease, smiling wider.

"Oh shut up," he says dramatically, grin growing, white teeth gleaming through plump lips.

Suddenly, Pete's face gets serious, smile fading, eyes dilating.

"What are we gonna do?" he whispers.

He seems so vulnerable and worried. He must've been thinking about what we'll do at the end of the tour. Just like I was last night before I drifted to sleep.

I sigh deeply, my brain waking up and becoming alert.

"I don't know... Elisa and I barely talk anymore. She doesn't sound miserable or like she misses me. She sounds fine, but neither one of us have much to say anymore," I say honestly.

I knew we'd have to talk about it eventually but I can't say I'm ready. Part of me wants to just forget about having to choose between each other and our ladies until it's absolutely necessary, but the other says it's better to figure out what we're doing now; as early as possible.

"Does she still love you?" he asks quietly.

"I haven't done anything to make her not," I start, not quite sure where to go with this. I have done things to make her not love me -- like cheating on her with Pete, for instance -- but she doesn't know of them. "This is the longest we've ever been apart," I say, reflecting. "I would have thought we would have grown closer together, not apart... I don't know. I just don't know."

I shake my head, confused.

"Do you still love her?" he almost pleads, eyes wide and questioning.

His fingers still toy with my hair, although more slowly now, and his brown eyes stare intensely. His gaze is worried and locked on me, waiting expectantly.

"Not as much as I love you," I reply. "Not even close."

Pete moves his face closer to mine, resting his forehead on my own. Our eyes are still locked on one another.

"Patrick," he starts. An internal warning goes off in my head at the sound of my full name. "I love you. But I love Meagan, too. I can't pick up and leave her."

My ears ring and my heartbeat speeds up. He can't be saying what I think he's going to say. Not this early into our love. Not now.

"Fuck, Patrick," he whispers, his eyes full of sadness. "I love you. So much. So fucking much. But I can't leave Meagan. I just can't. She's like Bronx's mom now. It took him so long to open up to her, and now she's just like his mom. I can't do that to my kid. I can't take her away from him."