The Lynch Twins

Chapter 17

It's not easy adjusting to being alone. When you spend your whole life with someone and then they're just ripped away from you.

I dream about her all the time. Everyone I've talked to about it says that that's normal, but it's been a month and every time I close my eyes I relive all the bad things. 

I keep remembering the last thing she ever said to me.

"You get so stressed out about every little thing! It's just so annoying!"

I realize now that it wasn't meant as an insult. It was advice for what would come later.

This is later.

I'm still getting worked up about every little thing when there's really no point in that. I need to find a way to stop how I'm feeling, and get over it.

I thought back to what Lola said. Apparently I have a brother named Luke. It's not much to go on, but if I try and find him. Then, maybe, I won't feel so lonely.

I opened my laptop. This is the first time I've used it, or been on the internet, since the bad things happened. 

Then I saw it. The thing I'd been trying to avoid seeing since it happened. My laptop background. A picture of me and Lola, taken the day we'd been adopted. That day was only about 6 months ago, but it felt like a lifetime. So much had happened since then.

It was like an ocean of feelings crashed through my mind. I couldn't think straight because all I saw was a picture of a girl who I loved, that I would never see again. 

I changed it. Almost straight away. It's just a picture of R5 now. People that I see everyday. Hopefully it wouldn't make me emotional seeing that picture. 

I opened Facebook. I clicked on the search bar and typed in Luke. Instinctively I almost typed in Lynch after that, but my old last name was Day. So I typed that it and looked at the results.

4 people with that name. And they might not even be him. He might not even have Facebook. He might not even be alive anymore. He might not exist.

I was nervous at first, but I kept replaying what she said to me. It kept me motivated as I typed out a message to send to all of them.

Hello, my name is Lilly. It used to be Lilly Day, but now it's Lilly Lynch. I'm adopted as my parents died when I was a baby. I used to have a twin named Lola, but she's not here anymore. I have a brother name Luke Day, and I'm trying to find him. I know this is a long shot, but could there be any chance that you're him? Please respond. I really need to find my brother.

I sent this to all 4 of them, and waited. I felt better now that I had done something productive. 

I decided it might be a good idea to leave my room. In the past month, I only ever really left to go the bathroom or get food. 

I stood at the banister and listened to the voices talking. It sounded like everyone was downstairs apart from Riker. I went to his bedroom and sure enough, he was there.

He wasn't doing anything. He was just sitting on his bed staring into space. This whole thing had been tough on everyone, not just me. It's affected Riker in a bad way too.

He looked up and smiled half-heartedly at me. I walked over and sat next to him on the bed. We do this a lot, just sit together. But mostly he comes into my room.

"Do you wanna talk?" He asked me. I shook my head and he nodded. 

I know why he's so upset. I overheard him and Rocky talking about it the other day. Riker thinks that since he's the oldest, and technically, he's our - or my - legal guardian, that it's his fault. He thinks that he should have been watching Lola more and making sure she was eating. 

I don't really know who's fault it was really. I've been trying to block all thoughts of that out of my mind.

But now I was thinking about it, and I couldn't stop it now. My mind spiraled back into thoughts about how it was my fault.

And how I would never be able to apologize.  

I felt tears drip down my face, and arms rap around me. Me and Riker still didn't talk, but it was really comforting to have him here.

Eventually I went back to my bedroom, and checked Facebook. 

4 new messages.

 I read the first 3. They were all just different ways of saying that they're sorry, but there's no way they could be my brother.

I took a deep breath, and clicked on the last message.