Save me from myself

In the City

I packed my clothes and moved in the city. First day of training, meet and greet, setting of expectations and background of the Job. The trainer instructed us to go to the human resource department to complete our pre-employment requirements. I went straight to the wash room and freshen up as I am anticipating to see Andrea.

In HR department, I didn't see Andrea on her desk. I keep on looking around while waiting for my turn to be called. Then I heard those stilettos on the floor approaching. It was her. I looked at her and smiled at her but she never looked back at me and she passed by as if I never existed. Whoa! what was that? And then my name was called so I got in the room. Going out of the department I was checking my phone. I got a message from Andrea "meet me at the basement in 30mins" I went down to the basement and waited. I received another message indicating a parking slot number.

"What was that?" first thing came out of my mouth as I got inside the passenger seat.

She looked at me and drove "Let's be professional in the office. "Poker face! remember my dear?"

"What just happened is not even professional at all."

"Listen kid, there are lots of eyes on me and if we will continue to see each other, I don't want to build any conflict of interest between us. especially you are new hire. There are so many things that you don't know..."

"Hmmm alright....whatever you say...."

"I thought we are clear when we're texting? I have rules right?"

"yeah... 1. we don't know each other in or out of the office and 2. no strings attached..." then dead air....

"So you already found a place?" she tried to open a conversation to kill the silence.

I replied: Uhuh...
and before she even made a follow up question, I started talking. "Yeah it's gonna be an hour travel tho that I have to bare everyday.."

"Why didn't you get a place around the area instead?"

"It's not practical for me to get a place around the business district. I mean, It's pricey right? What I got is a good deal anyway. So where are we going?"

"you know kid...." she smiled and just drove.

Andrea has a strong personality. She is very dominant and I find her intimidating. She was not the first girl that I have dated but she was the first ever matured woman I've known so far that time. Not just because she is 10 yrs older than me, but the way she handles things.

Upon reaching her place, I was dazed. her living room has a perfect scenery of the city. I just can't help it but to gaze. Andrea step in her room to change and on my peripheral view I can see her from her room undressing. She turned, and saw me looking at her, she then walked to the inner side of her room. I sat down on the couch and act as if I didn't see anything. She went out on her white halter top and boy leg. She grabbed a bottle of wine and wine glasses then she sat beside me. Now I'm feeling a bit uneasy. In my mind I know exactly why we were there, but what if I'm wrong? What if she just want someone to talk to and she is not really interested on me? I don't want to be embarrassed just like what happened earlier. When would I know when would I make the move?

"So what do you think of my place?"

"I like it. It's awesome, the scenery is perfect!"

We continue to chat, we exchanges stories of our childhood and just burst out laughing. After a while she grasped my glass put it down on the table and clasped my hand. Bingo! this might be the sign.

"Come on I'll show you something" as she tugged me to her room.
"Look at my transformation, from ugly duckling to now" showing her photos.

I took one of her current photo "yeah, from a cute child to a grown up beautiful lady"
"Whatever, put it down" as she reaches on the photo, I stretched my arm backwards
"no, I'll keep this" she extended her hands trying to get the photo to me. She then grabbed my face with her both hands and kissed me. I was shocked and I froze for a few seconds. I tossed the photo, held her face and kissed her back. She seized on me as she pulled me to her bed.

After a couple times seeing each other, I became sensual. I liked her from the very first time I saw her. I am very much impressed on her personality. She is very much independent and she can handle everything on her own. As she was making food in the kitchen, from her back, I wrapped my arms to her waist and pressed my face to her neck.
I whisper "thank you"
she caress my arms "thank you for what?"
"for this" "I think I am liking you so much now"
She unwrap my hands to her waist and faced me.
"look, I like too, you know that, besides you will not be here if I don't. But you have to understand my rules. You are aware of that right?. We can't fall in love. No strings attached."
"I know.. I am just saying that I like you"
Come on let's not spoil the day, have you picked a movie to watch?

We continue to see each other secretly.We will spend the night together watching movies, snuggling, exchanging stories, she taught me well on how to deal with people in the office. She taught me the work around of the business. She taught me techniques on how I can ace my job. We really get along with each other.

After 6 weeks of training I will finally go live. Since everyone from my batch passed the screening we decided to go out and celebrate. We went into a pub with the area and had couple of drinks. After a while, a group came in and went straight to the bar.
my batch mates were talking on my side "Is that Andrea from HR?" "Yeah, she is, is that her boyfriend?"
I direct my sight at the bar and saw Andrea. Our eyes met but she immediately looked away. I continue to stare at her but she never looked back at me. She is flirting and I am starting to get annoyed. I sent her text message, I saw her, she checked her phone but she did not reply. I approach the bar and placed an order. Then I called Andrea's attention. "Hi Andrea!"
'Hi" she replied with a fake smile then she stood up and head to the wash room. I followed her. she looked on the cubicle to see if someone is there with us, when she saw it's clear she shouted at me.
"what was wrong with you?"
"who is that man?"
"the hell you care who am I gonna be with?" "we have our rules right?"
"fuck those rules!" I started to raise my voice then she stopped me
"not here Val, I'll text you when I get home, meet me there"

In her place, she left the door unlocked. As I enter the unit, I saw her at the kitchen standing behind the counter.
"I'm sorry about how I acted earlier"
"This is starting to get out of control Val, we have to stop seeing each other"
"no, that won't happen again, I swear"
"no, we have to stop this, I'm sorry"

I begged her but she was so firm with her decision.

She told me that it's nonsense to see each other as we can't be together in the long run. What breaks me are her reasons. Number 1. she can't be with same sex 'coz she won't be able to stand on what will other people say about her. Number 2 is that she can't date an "agent" a person that she can't be proud of. At that very moment I felt so demeaned, so I left undignified.