To Have and to Hold

Chapter 20

PAST

"I really can't believe that you've agreed to this," Liz says as she applies the finishing touches to my makeup. She's trying to make me look like a cat.

"I don't really have a choice, it's part of my job."

"Your job requires you to dress like a sexy cat? I'm pretty sure that's sexist and possibly illegal."

I roll my eyes at her. She's just annoyed that I'd never dress like this for any event of hers.

"Don't roll your eyes at me," she snaps.

Did I mention that she's kind of mad at me? Well she is. Not that it isn't obvious. Liz is apparently upset about all of the time that I've been spending with Cole and not her. I can't say that I blame her, I have been being a sucky friend. But after spending all of this time with him, I'm starting realize that she's not exactly a good friend either. I love her to pieces, and I won't walk away from her, but I'm finding myself starting to compare her to Cole.

Cole and me, as you know, aren't exactly a match made in heaven, but we make it work. In these past few months we've been actually inseparable. He pretends that it's no big deal, and he's never exactly nice to me, but he's really been a great friend. He acts like he could give two shits, but he's the first one to notice when I'm uncomfortable or in a fowl mood. He knows that I like my coffee extra sweet and steaming hot, without me ever having to tell him. He knows that I'm a big foodie, that if I'm sad, angry, nervous or even just bored, that I could probably do well with a cupcake or even an entire cake. Just last week, when I was stressing over exams, studying on my break, he went to the deli and brought me back a honey bun. He made like he bought it for himself and didn't want it, but truth be told I've gone on plenty of grocery runs with him and he's never once added any sugary snacks to his basket. And he knew that the sugar would help me feel better. I'm like a drug addict when it comes to food, the more I eat the more balanced I become. It's really sickening. But most importantly, whether it's to my benefit or my demise, is that he, like his faithful dog Duke, can sense my fear. But unlike Duke, he understands it, he lets it be, and even subtly tries to pull me out of it. He doesn't jump to my side and fight away any threats. He helps me face them, like when he took me for pizza that time with his friends. But he stands close by incase I do need him, and I have a feeling that's where he'll stay for a long time. Because he knows me, and he knows that my fears aren't a part of me. They came to me unwarranted, and he will help me conquer them. And he has. Just him being here makes me feel brave.

Liz on the other hand, doesn't know or sense any of these things. She wouldn't be able to tell you a thing about me. If the million dollar question was, 'What's Charlie's favorite color?,' she'd say, 'pink', because that's what color our dorm room was. But that's her favorite color, and she's so self absorbed, she doesn't even realize that I hate the color pink. That she's the one who decorated the dorms. She doesn't know how I like my coffee, because she hates coffee, the smell of it makes her sick, so we never even stop for coffee on the days we hang out. She couldn't tell you if I was upset, stressed or mad, because she doesn't have the attention span to pay any mind. She'd ask, 'what's wrong?,' and if I had answered, 'nothing,' she'd instantly believe me. She wouldn't know that I was lying, or notice that my cheeks were flushing and I was blinking too much. Cole would, he calls me on it all of the time. And although I do notice these things about her more so now, I won't let it ruin our friendship. She is after all one of my only friends from school, especially since I moved out of the dorms. I don't know why she hasn't faded away, moving on with new friends from school, especially since I don't go out partying anymore. But I appreciate what we have.

After about ten minutes, she backs away from her work on my face, smiling in approval.

"Wow, it came out great, take a look."