To Have and to Hold

Chapter 38

"Thirteen minutes," I say to the man who just sat down on the stool beside me, knowing exactly who it is without even having to look his way. "Not bad, I'm assuming you were in the area?"

He huffs in annoyance, and in my peripheral vision I can see him taking off his jacket, then flagging the bartender down. "Not really. You know you're a pain in my ass? I left a business meeting," he says.

"Well you could have said no, but it's a Saturday night anyways, you needed a break."

He orders his drink, then turns to me. "What's with your fucking phone? You know you had me worried?"

I laugh. "Worried? I'm flattered, but I can look out for myself."

"Well then do you know that you had plans with Jamie? She had Ryan call me because you didn't show up and your phone was off."

Shit! Girls night, I forgot!

"Lucas cut my phone off, what was I supposed to do?"

"Lucas?"

"Yeah, remember the guy I used to work for before you got me fired?"

He gives me a nasty look. "I'm quite familiar with him." I look at him in question, but he just continues. "I've had enough of him for one night, I really don't need another reason to fucking hate him."

I nod, not wanting to talk about Lucas of all people either.

We sit in silence for quite some time, and although I have so much to say to him, I enjoy it. I called him because I needed him here, for being at Holden's is too much to bare without having him next to me. And now that he's here, I'm baring it, and not wasting a second of my precious time here. I think back on all of the times that it was us behind this bar, rather than the young bartender. How many times we fought back there, particularly when we were just getting used to each other. How many times he had scolded me like a child because I couldn't mix a drink. But I also think of all the times we brushed past one another, and how I would be able to feel him watching me as I chatted up the customers. How he'd grab my shoulders when we'd bump into one another, to steer me around him, sometimes laughing and sometimes rolling his eyes. How some of those times when we were dating, he'd run his hands down my shoulders, taking me in, for the shift was so busy and we'd enjoy the rare moment together caused by my inability to watch where I was walking. I watch as this bartender makes a drink, and confidently talks to the patrons, this isn't just a job to him, this place is his haven. And I remember that it once was mine as well, how right behind this bar was where I had felt safe. It had more to do with the company than the bar, but when you're back there it's as if your putting on a show. I pretended to be free back there with Cole watching me, until eventually I wasn't pretending anymore.

I look over to Cole to see him staring behind the bar as well, possibly thinking the same thoughts as I am. And I watch him, sipping his drink, lost in his thoughts. And I love him. Everything about him. The way he still looks the same, but also so different. His green eyes, darker, and somehow more consuming. His hair, the dark brown waves, looking a little less perfected than usual, probably from pulling at it like he tends to do. His scowl, the one I've loved for so many years is still the same, but now small frown lines shadow his forehead. They don't age him, but make him look angrier instead. Is it weird that I find that incredibly sexy? He doesn't look like the twenty one year old man that I had met all of those years ago. He doesn't look his thirty one years yet either, but somewhere in between.

"Can I ask why your staring at me?," he says, causing me to jump in my seat, and I can't help but giggle.

He turns my way, raising a brow, and I laugh even harder. "What?"